


Love is Blind

by EatMyGlitterOut



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Romance, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-08-02
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:06:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 30,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EatMyGlitterOut/pseuds/EatMyGlitterOut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Adam gets to know Neil's new girlfriend, Charlize, she causes him deep trouble that could damage his so-called "perfect" life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting Charlize

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is the first chapter, hope y'all like it. The more you comment, the more I'll upload :D Enjoy!

"C'mon Adam we're late!!" cried Sauli.

I enjoyed hearing him moaning and begging me. I just loved how it annoys him when I take my goddamn time. I chose a beautiful lilac water hyacinth and headed for the cashier to pay for it. I strolled out of the shop, half dragged by Sauli who didn't even realise he pushed a door that clearly read with broad red letters "pull". I discovered that the only way to shut him up was to drive. Sauli entered the car, almost smashing the door from his excitement, I teased him and started wearing my sunglasses as slow as a turtle's pace.

"Ugh, Jesus Christ Adam! I don't wanna be late. Your mom gave us vivid instructions not to be late. I don't wanna be late, cause I promised her to arrive early. And now we _are_ late", he whined.

"Relax baby. I'm pretty sure we're not late."

I soothed him, tickling his neck. How did I find this gorgeous man? I knew my country was filled with pathetic attention huggers. How stupid have I been? I dated many men before, and  _none_ of them treated me half as wonderful as Sauli treats me. He's worth twice his weight in gold! From all the countries in the world, I found my soul mate in Finland. Loving, caring, with the most amazing personality you could ever ask for, and to top that, fierce in bed. Mmm, yesterday was a magical night. Sauli gave me a little taste of his magic. My lips are still shaking, with a feel of erection crawling down my dick. I swallowed, feeling my pulse race, and gave silent thanks that there were no eyewitnesses to my blushing, which could have set a cigar alight even a mile away.

After a silence that seemed to last forever, some song in Hebrew cranked up on the radio. I listened to the lyrics thoroughly, humming to the tune.

 _"I, I, I will find my viking, riding on a ship. I will find my love at the arctic circle, in the Northern lights, in the Northern lights. Oh yeah baby, you can be my lover, just be kind to me. Promise me you'll never leave my side..."_ , squeaked the young singer.

That song just described my relationship with Sauli perfectly. Who knew I would find my other half in Finland? Now, none of this matters to me, what matters is that I found him and I'm crazy in love with him, and it just feels so mesmerising that he feels the same about me.

Funny thing, love, isn't it?

When you love someone, anything they do, in your eyes, is pure perfection. They can't do anything wrong. And you begin to realise that without them, your world seems empty. You will fight to protect them, stick up for them. You will do anything just to see them, to make them happy, make them smile. Love can bring some people together, and it can tear others apart. Whether it's a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband, you don't want to see them sad. You see, love is a funny thing. Human nature has tried desperately to find an explanation for it, but failed. Neither a philosopher nor a psychiatrist can define love. It cannot be defined, captured, or forced upon someone. It just happens in a blink of an eye.

_Love can make someone or it can break someone._

You spend your whole life looking for love, it just strikes you no matter what time nor place, and if it strikes at the wrong time or place, you're doomed.

Thank god I was lucky with this one! I just can't thank god enough. Look at him, just looking at him! Peeping outside the window, dazzled with the view like a kid in a candy shop, living life to the fullest as if there's no tomorrow. I don't think he even listened to that song, he was too busy being sexy.

I made a U-Turn to the left and started looking for my mother's house. You know my mom, she has to throw some sort of lunch party whenever a new person steps inside this family's love circle, and this time, it was Neil's new girlfriend, Charlize.

Her name grabbed my attention. I think Charlize is a name for an independent strong woman, not the kind that seeks a relationship. But who cares? As long as she's good to my baby brother, my feelings toward her name don't really matter.

A squeal escaped Sauli's lips, alarming me that we've finally arrived. I've always loved my mom's house. White fresh paint from the outside, light beige from the inside. I rang the bell, and Leila opened the door. My, she looked gorgeous! I swear to god she's getting prettier every day, I can't believe my mother is _that_ charming! She held her warm grin on her face and hugged Sauli then me, whispering to my ear: "You're late sweetie, we've grown hungry"

"Sorry mom, it was Sauli's fault."

At that exact moment, Sauli gave me a "yeah right" look, I just teased him.

Leila took the water hyacinth, murmuring to herself: "Lilac, my favourite colour. Oh I love you Adam."

Walking through the entrée, I admired the colourful paintings, which were hanging joyfully on the beige walls. An enormous grandfather clock stood in the corner. Dark oak wood, with carvings on the sides, licked by a ray of the most elegant colour in the world, gold. It gave the huge clock some sort of powerful presence. My mom always had a taste in decorating homes, probably cause she's an Interior Designer.

I could smell the wonderful aroma of my mom's delicious cooking invading my nostrils. My stomach roared. I was too hungry cause I didn't even have a chance to eat breakfast, since Sauli wanted to go early.

Alas, I saw Neil, babyish as ever, holding that smile of his that reached from ear to ear, squishing his rosy cheeks. He looked chic, wearing a white buttoned shirt along with a pair of black pants, oh and let's not forget that funny hairstyle of his. For some reason, I always found his hairstyle rather funny, and mocked him about it, while he scowls at me.

Then, I caught sight of a woman, a woman I'm pretty sure I have seen before. White tank top, a floral long skirt, and flip flops. Really? Flip flops? In the middle of February? Neil never really chose weird women, he prefers a woman that is independent, clever, and beautiful. But for the past few years, all the women he dated were naïve, very naïve indeed. Maybe he got sick of those type of women and changed to the type he prefers.

But this woman, was _different._

I sensed something fishy about her smile. Was it fake? With one brow up, I instantly thought of her as arrogant and proud, but hey, looks can be deceiving, and I just hoped for the best, for Neil's sake. But I'm pretty sure I've seen these exact high cheekbones and green eyes before. I'm trying to searching, literally _anything_ that would remind me of Charlize. I had a faint memory in my head, I tried to cling to it, but it was too blunt and meant nothing to me. Then, something hit me hard on the head to the point where I thought I would faint. It was growing more and more in my head, I felt like exploding! I finally remembered who Charlize was. I gulped.

This can't be good.


	2. History or Mystery?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bear with me people! Events are slow at the first few chapters, but it will get more interesting!

Pictures just flashed inside my head. I was able to remember it all as if it happened yesterday. Maybe it was yesterday, and time flied by faster than lightning or my life was just a dream, and maybe I'll wake up tomorrow as a normal kid back at high school. I felt small drops of ice walking slowly down my spine. I was in trauma and I needed to act quick, or else they'd sense my unexplained behaviour. So, I started playing with Coco, Leila's dog, who wasn't quite fond of me for some reason. I goofed around with her, rolling my eyes and making face gestures that probably scared the hell out of her. She got angry and left. Great. That was exactly how every one treated me, they get to know me and we become best friends, then BAM, they leave me broken hearted. I just hope Sauli won't leave, I really do. Woah! What's the matter with you Lambert? Stop thinking such stuff! You know very well that Sauli would never ever I mean _never_ leave you.

I stood up from the floor, and suddenly, I felt huge jaws digging deeply in my flesh. I shrieked as Coco was hanging by her jaws from my ass. My folks rushed to the living room, while Neil laughed. Laugh away Neil, laugh away. Coco, then, walked around the house with a piece of my jeans. I stared at them laughing at my ripped jeans. Thank god I wore undies today, or else it would've been quite awkward watching my ass through that humongous hole. I could see that Sauli was trying not to laugh, but failed and starting laughing his butt off. Are you done yet? It's not _that_ funny!

"Come Adam, I'll give you another pair of pants", laughed Leila. After what seemed like hours, I finally got dressed, and refused to come down, which made a commotion downstairs.

"Stop being such a baby and come right now! If you surrender now, we'll go easy on you" bursted Neil.

"I'm not shy about that incident, it's this I'm embarrassed of" I replied.

I gathered my guts and went down the stairs. Big mistake. I was wearing a pair of really tight sweatpants, which belonged to my mom. It made my ass and dick look big, _very_ big. I never wore such tight pants! And as I expected, they laughed and laughed and laughed. Neil, of course, decided to seize the moment and mock my ass, I just ignored him and I may have started a struggle with him.

Finally, Leila got aware of the situation, and suggested we start eating. I sat next to Sauli, facing Neil and Charlize. I felt some sort of hard foot thrusting my leg. I looked at Neil and the only thing he said was: "Got D?".

I knew what he was referring to, and started swearing under my breath. Later on, I discovered that Sauli was his partner in crime. Every time I stood up to put some salad, he slapped me on the ass: "Sit y'old dirty boy".

This wasn't helping my temper. I felt my blood boiling from anger as it flowed quickly through my veins. Wrath raged in my heart and I felt like ripping someone's head off. I rose from my chair, slamming it to the dark Mahogany floor, and headed to the bathroom. I felt like I was suffocating and wasn't able to even swallow. As I was washing my face, Sauli came.

"What the fuck do you want Sauli?", I spat, "Why don't you go with your friend Neil over there and make fun of me?"

"First, he's your brother. And second, I was only kidding. Oh Adam I'm so sorry. I didn't know this might've annoyed you, I thought you were cool with it! Please forgive me Adam?"

I looked at him with red fiery eyes, clamming my jaws with each other, which caused friction between my teeth. I turned on my heel and headed towards the door. Sauli interjected my way with crossed arms. I thought he was gonna slap me for being such a jackass, but instead he kissed me. Mmm those delicious kisses were the best! He backed away and said: "Why aren't you kissing me back?"

"I'm a little upset as you can see, Sauli" I replied.

But this only encouraged him to kiss me even harder. Sauli's hand slipped to my pants, and his fingers softly brushed the huge hill between my legs, soothing the wild beast that has enlarged inside of me. This crank me up. Who was I kidding? I was in desperate need for some love, and at this time and place, his kisses were enough to please me. I kissed him back, as our tongues wrestled inside our watery mouths. He tried to pull away, but I jolted my hand on the back of his neck, pushing him harder inside my mouth. I never had enough of his kisses. To me he was a god, a perfect human being that was brought to this cruel world. Maybe he was an angel sent by god to enlighten people's path, and to help them encounter their problems with the power of faith and love. I remember once when he explained to me how faith in people had helped him look at the world in a different perspective. I watched him move those divine lips, drooling, as he spoke gracefully about his experience with life. Those two years I've spent with him were the best years of my lifetime. It's wonderful having someone who made you realise the wonders of this world. That's life. You put your heads down, and you hustle and hustle, and then one day you lift your head up and say: "How did I ever get here?", and of you were lucky, you'll find your own Sauli to help you throughout your way.

His soft voice interrupted my thoughts: "I've always wished I could just dive into your thoughts and know what you're thinking of"

"I have a curious babe right here" I teased him.

Sauli leaned over and softly gave me a baby kiss on my lower lip, then he said: "Forgive me, sweetie?".

I bent my head towards his left ear, and kissed him on the soft spot of the neck, right behind the ear, exactly how he likes it: "Always.. I'll always forgive you Sauli".

We went back to the patio, holding hands, with a beam on my face. I sat on the chair I threw earlier, and smiled widely to Neil, which made him think I've gone cuckoo after the scandal.

"So Charlize Doyle, tell us a bit about your past" I spoked.

Charlize choked while she was munching on a piece of tender duck. I looked straight into her proud green eyes. Neil killed the intense air that grew between me and Charlize when he recited: "How do you know her last name?"

"Mom told me" I replied instantly.

"I grew up in Trantridge-" started Charlize.

"Ah, and where exactly is Trantridge?" I interfered.

"It's a place in England" she said sheepishly.

"But I've never heard of it!" I declared

"It's in the country side-"

"Oh so you're a naïve country girl, aren't you?" I said with a calm voice and a wink.

Her eyes were about to burst from fury as they grew dark magenta. Neil quickly thanked Leila for the delicious food before Charlize and I could proceed with our argument. I stared firmly at her, showing her that I can play dirty, _very_ dirty indeed.

"What was that all about?" Sauli whispered into my ear.

"Nothing, just forget what happened over there" I answered, with my eyes still fixed on Charlize, who shortly after our small conversation, lost her appetite and asked to be excused from the table.

Later on, the wind whistled loudly and pounced hard on tall palm trees.

"Looks like a storm" exclaimed my father, and he was correct.

A storm, which wasn't expected earlier, didn't wait until nightfall to show its teeth. The first flashes of lightning caught me by surprise shortly after sitting on a huge comfy swing, while Sauli and I were cuddling. I explained to them that the storm will get heavier and it would be harder for me to drive. As we went, the city was already beginning to fade behind a curtain of liquid velvet, reminding me that I hadn't even thought of taking an umbrella with me. I took one last look at Leila's house. My eyes were fixed on Charlize's, and quickly drove away, with sorrow and bitterness boiling in my heart as I remembered my past life, and how Miss Charlize over there, played with it.


	3. A Threatning Matter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters may take a while to upload, but NOT more than a week!

Sauli and I went back to our apartment, our clothes soaked with water. I opened the door and turned on the heater. I followed Sauli to the bedroom. Taking off my jacket, I felt very drowsy, so I laid down on the bed. Sauli leaned over me and kissed me: "Sleepy?"

"Mhm" I answered, not aware of what's going on around me.

I felt soft lips feeding on my throat, like feathers on a baby's skin. I moaned gently as he kissed and sucked my neck, leaving hickeys all over it. My lips met his, and our tongues wrestled fiercely in a watery fight. Distracted by his lips, I wasn't aware of his long tanned fingers unbuttoning my shirt. I goosebumped as his cold tender fingers slowly scanned my bare chest. After what seemed like ages, we finally broke apart with a smack. Our eyes locked, both blurry with the fogginess of lust. Sauli then bent down and began to stamp kisses all over my chest. Horizontally, vertically, diagonally or randomly, why should I care? They all felt _so_ good! I felt a flash of ecstasy rushing through my cock as his tongue circled lustfully around my nipple, and his teeth bit the tiny bud. I couldn't help but moan. I heard Sauli saying, as he was busy licking my so-called "gorgeous" chest: "You taste so heavenly, baby. Ugh, I can lick you all.day.long"

I tried not to chuckle, but somehow a cute little giggle escaped my lips. That hypnotic tongue of his brushed my torso back and forth, back and forth, and again. This wasn't helping my soporific aching body. The more his lips oscillated my skin, the drowsier I grew.

I was on the edge of sleeping, when suddenly my eyes jolted. Sauli's mouth muscle hadn't stop when it reached my waistband, it went further in. I peeped down and saw almost all of his head tucked in Leila's sweatpants. _Fuck._ He knew exactly to move his tongue down there. He tasted my nether range slowly and as sexy as possible from tip to head and vice versa.

Rotating around the mouthful piece of flesh, I was breathing heavily. I fought to catch my breath, but Sauli's tongue was stealing the ability from me, causing my knuckles to transform into pale white as I clutched tightly on to the cream sheets under me.

Eventually, his hands finally recalled to take my pants off, or shall I say mom's damn pants. My lower part felt free, releasing the pressure that has built upon it when Sauli undressed those sticky trousers. I eyed him carefully, drooling as he took off his teal shirt and his black leggings, exposing his bare body, which raised the temperature of the surrounding air as soon as it kissed his naked physique.

Slower than ever, he laid on top of me, with our chests rising and falling as one. With one hand above my head and the other behind Sauli's neck, I pulled him closer, washing his lower lip, and murmuring: "Oh god, Sauli! When I'm with you, all I wanna do is play dirty with you"

"Mmm, play as hard as you want, hurt me if you want, but promise you'll never stop. Your games are far too addictive"

"Dirty, dirty boy" I teased, as his high cheekbones grew crimson.

Our lips locked for several minutes, stoping every now and then just to smile or breathe. This passionate lover was _mine_ , and no one would ever dare to take him away from me. Then, the devil manipulated over his mind and forced him to dig his nose and mouth deeply into my neck, playing fierce with me. Very fierce. This caused me some sort of hooking pain. It hurted so bad, but it made me feel content, with euphoria arising in my soul.

Rapidly, I pushed the hungry angel from me and sat upright. Sauli was still laying on his side, trying to digest what he just witnessed. I stared at the long mirrored-door closet that reached above me, holding a gloomy expression on my face. Quietly, Sauli stood on his knees behind me, lowering the collar of my shirt to my shoulder blades, which I've forgotten I still had on because I was too busy making out with Sauli. His butter-soft palms rubbed my shoulders swiftly, without not even a single word breaking out of his lips. Instead, he looked down at me, smiling and beaming with joy.

"Fatigue or nervous?" he broke the silence that has been building its wall for a long period of time. I knotted my eyebrows from confusion. Nervous? Why would I be nervous?

"You know because of the long trip tommorow" he recited the second I opened my mouth to ask him about it.

Damn! I had completely forgotten about the trip to Rio De Janeiro. I was supposed to arrive there at noon and perform a concert for my first time in Brazil. How could I forget such a thing? Amnesia always banged me hard on the head every time I'm with Sauli, but I wouldn't blame him. Who wouldn't be distracted by this heavenly creature?

"Erm yeah, I'm a lil bit nervous" I lied.

I've never lied to Sauli before, _never_. I usually tell him everything that happen to me, whether it was about my day or my past life. I didn't even keep away from him any secret, except this one.

At first, I thought that I ought to tell my lover about it, for it may help him understand this complicated life of mine, but after a long discussion that was buried deep inside my head, I concluded that I shouldn't tell him about this one, for his own good, or else he might be in grave danger. He gave me a mini kiss on my head post and said: "C'mon Adam. Let's go to bed, sweetheart"

I obediently laid my head back on the pillow as Sauli covered the both of our naked figures with the sheets, which caused my thighs to shiver from its coldness. He came closer to me after he turned off the lamp, his head close to mine, on one pillow. His fingers began to brush my sweaty chest, saying: "Don't worry about tomorrow baby, I'm sure you'll be phenomenal, you always have been"

I smiled. I never knew why he had such huge faith in me, he was always positive that I can change the world with my remarkable music. I think his real purpose was to teach me that with imperfection comes perfection, and thanks to him, I'm slowly teaching myself that too, slowly, but at least I'm trying. I could feel his lips moving, but my ears were muffled and I couldn't hear a thing. My eyelids grew heavier as if stones were built on top of them. I tried to fight the drowsiness that had fell upon me, but I failed and instantly fell asleep to Sauli's voice. I couldn't sleep that night.

Nightmares were haunting me like a lost ghost, determined to scare the hell out of me. Monsters, tramps, pirates, and devils: you name it! I just wanted to sleep. I've had a rough day, and I was finding it very difficult forcing my lips _not_ to spit it all out to Sauli.

When I was on the edge of closing my eyes, I felt my phone vibrate.

Ugh, what is it now? Can't a man have some rest? Angrily, I took out my phone from beneath my pillow and opened it. I squinted my eyes to see what is written, but I needed to rub no more, for I was positive that what I've just witnessed was no dream.

_"Cancel your trip to Rio, or else you'll find him dead the minute to return to LA"_

After a moment of hesitation, I leaned over Sauli. My hands were trembling and my breath was heavy and unsteady. I kissed him serenely on the cheek, with tears squeezing their way out of my eyes. I can't loose him, I just can't...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are this fic's energy :)


	4. What Happens In Rio

The sun greeted my face, its warmth cooking my flesh. I woke up with difficulty, although I hade five alarms set between five past thirty and six o'clock. The weights that were tied to my fatigue body prevented me from arising from my bed. I groaned. I didn't want to miss this flight, even if I had had a troublesome night. After huge effort, I woke up, peeping over to Sauli, who was sleeping like a baby with his cute chest rising and falling. I bent over and planted a small kiss on his jawbone. I breathed softly in his neck as I kissed it. I covered his naked body with the sheets, afraid that he might catch a severe cold. Opening the closet, I wore a white tee shirt, a pair of blue jeans, a black jacket, and a red baseball cap on my head. With the keys in my hand, I took one last look at my sleepy lover, and headed to the airport.

As soon as I reached the huge building, I saw Tommy and Ashley, the others obviously hadn't arrived yet.

"Are you ok?" Tommy said.

"Yeah, I am. Just had a rough sleep, with nightmares and stuff...." I replied.

After we got through the gate, I headed to the plane and rested in my seat. It was still seven, and I was looking forward for a long nap. I had completely forgotten about the text message I got earlier. I took out my cellular to turn it to airplane mode, when I saw a text message from an unknown number. I gulped. All the horror that I've felt yesterday crawled slowly to my heart as it started to beat faster inside my ribcage. Hesitated, I returned my phone back to my pocket and didn't even bother to read the message.

Hours passed by, books were read, tons of pictures were taken, and I was still asleep. I gasped when Brian woke me up. I squinted my eyes rapidly and I went to the bathroom, swearing under my breath. I realised that there were cry marks on my cheeks and my eyes were red and puffy. I must've been crying, but the problem was that I couldn't remember why. Probably I saw a nightmare about Sauli. Oh god, Sauli! What have I done? I left him alone when the text message clearly said he will be dead if I travel. I immediately took out my phone and cried even harder when I read the message I have ignored earlier. I went out of bathroom thinking how will I be able to live if my baby died. My perfect life with Sauli would be a tragedy, and life would become hell.

Shortly after my awakening, the metal bird finally landed on the tropical grounds of Brazil, country of the sun. I literally ran and pushed random people out of my way as I headed to the phone booth that was in the corner of the Rio De Janeiro airport. I dialled my house number, and waited impatiently as it rung. No one answered. My heart sank to my knees as I held the phone and sobbed quietly. I gave one more shot, and thank god, someone picked up the phone.

"Sauli?" I croaked.

"Hey babes, what time is it? Isn't it early for you to call me?" answered Sauli with a sleepy tone.

I cried silently from happiness. He wasn't dead, his heart was still pumping blood, and he's still safe at our place. Oh dear lord, thank you.

"Sorry sweetie, I was just worried..."

"Worried? Why? Haha, It's not like someone's gonna try to kill me"

"Of course not! It's just that.... I miss you Sauli" I laughed, trying not to break into tears.

"Don't worry about me. You'll be back after a few days"

"Yeah... Sauli, I just want you to know no matter what, I've always loved you, and I always love you-"

"Are you ok Adam? You just went to perform a show, not a suicidal attempt. Relax, I'm completely fine with four limbs and hair"

"I'm fine. Listen I need to go. Love you sugar" I ended the conversation because I was this close to crying my eyes out.

I ran to the van with drops of water splashing out of my sky blue eyes. I instantly wore my shades, cautious that others won't notice my puffy eyes, and thank god they didn't. As I was looking out of the window, I heard Sauli's voice in my head. It whispered to me, begging to come and protect him. Euphoria rushed through my veins as I listened carefully to his magical voice, crying.

" _I'm compleltely fine, with four limbs and hair...._ "

I visualised how they might kill Sauli if the text message wasn't some sort of prank. What if they beat him to death? What if they tore his legs and arms off, limb by limb? My heart ached me and I sensed that I was too weak to think of such stuff. I tried to distract my thoughts by admiring the beautiful nature of Brazil. Oh I wish I brought him with me. He went crazy over Bali, and I'm pretty sure he would've loved Rio. I might never want to come back to Los Angeles, terrified of the fact that there is a chance of me being lonely again, with my lover in heaven.

Alas, we reached the hotel, the Golden Beach. These letters hung with pride over the main enterance, smeared with the divine colours of gold. As we went through those huge eleven foot doors, I almost went blind from all those vibrant colours. The walls were white, licked with mosaic of all the colours in the world, colours I haven't seen in my whole entire life. The ceiling was elegant gold, carved into fancy encryptions, with paintings of clouds and the heavenly sky greacefully printed on it. My eyes watered from the beautiness of this remarkable piece of art.

We checked in, and we almost left Tommy admiring the lovely architrave as we rode into the golden elevators. This place was magical, and only an ignoramous would doubt it.

Twisting the knob of my suite, I dropped my keys to the floor from shock. Long maroon velvet curtains elegantly covered the long glass windows. Expensive Persian carpets laid proudly on the wooden floor, fulfilling the whole room with it's gay colours. And there's chocolate.... On the bed. Have I died and flew to paradise? This was a perfect place to live in, but not for me, unless there was Sauli in it.

That Sunday, clouds spilled down from the sky and swamped the street with a hot mist that made the thermometers on the wall perspire. I quickly bathed and put on some clean clothes before I went to hit the stage. We got stuck in traffic, and after a whole hour, we eventually reached our destination. We wore our stage clothes, got our hair done, and wore our makeup.

"Why the long face?" bursted out Ashley after a long silence.

"Oh, errm, just nervous"

"Don't worry, they'll _love_ it"

With bright lights in my eyes, a big smile on my face, and some courage in my heart, I invaded the glossy wooden stage, and started entertaining the audience.

Three hours have passed, and I have never felt so tired before, physically and emotionally, so I decided to skip celebrating with the gang in some beach bar. Instead, I wanted to check on Sauli. The car took me to the hotel and I half ran to my suite. I called Sauli the moment I entered, and waited impatiently as it rung.

"Hey Sauli"

"Hey Adam" he said in a gloomy voice.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah..."

"Sauli, is there something wrong?"

He grew silent, and he just breathed to the phone without a response, I could swear I heard him sobbing softly.

"Sauls?"

"Adam, I... I need to tell you something... But I can't..."

I was getting sick of waiting, so I bursted out: "C'mon, tell me already!"

"Adam, I have to tell you this... After you departure, I got a..."

And from that exact moment, I was ignorant that my life would completely be different than how it used to be...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me x)


	5. Something We Call Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is taking more than it should. No spring break for me. :/

What did just happen? Don't tell me the connection broke! Shit, it just did. Oh my god, what if he got a threatening message too and there were men in my house now forcing him to tell me this, with a gun about to explode his brain any second.? No, this can't be true. I dialled again, terrified as hell. No response. At that moment, I knew I had to act fast. I shoved everything into my suitcase, literally everything. Clothes, shampoo, cookies, and everything that caught my sight. I called Diane, my manager, and told her to cancel all my events in my schedule. I aborted two major concerts, but all of that just to check on my baby. Without even looking back, I darted to the airport with unsteady heartbeats, longing to know what was my man going to confess to me.

After long impatient hours, I finally arrived at the Los Angeles airport. I entered my car, which was in the airport's parking lot, and slammed the door shut. I drove really fast, at a rate of 200 kilometres per hour, and I'm pretty sure I got almost three speeding tickets, other than the numerous amount of radars that flashed my licence plate on every street I dared to cross.

I took my phone out of my pocket, and saw a voice message from Sauli:

"Adam, where are you Adam? I need you. The hotel said you checked out, oh please answer me Adam, I _need_ you, more than ever...."

I pulled over, screaming from pain. Oh god, they must be torturing him now. But I knew I must carry on with the driving, or else I might never be able to save him....

Buildings were flashing by, but I couldn't see my apartment. How have I forgotten the way to my very own house? I crossed through underground tunnels, highways, neighbourhoods, and the downtown, and I still hadn't reached my home. I finally admitted that I was lost and stopped to ask for directions. I wish I hadn't. Basically no one knows where my street is, and then they tell me they've never heard of such place. Great. I drove for hours and hours, and I was still lost. I've grown tired by now and I was feeling reather nauseous. Damn! Sauli might've been dead by now and I'm here goofing around in the streets of LA!

I was about to loose hope, when I glanced a white building that looks _exactly_ like mine. Hallelujah, I've reached home! I parked the car, and ran to my flat, banging on the door.

"Sauli, open up!"

After a couple of minutes, a tall thin figure opened the door. His face was gloomy and tired, with dark circles perfectly drawn around his wide eyes. He had lost weight, I barely even recognised him.

"Sauli?" I asked silently.

The figure's blue eyes met mine. I tried to read the secret behind them, but I failed. Instead, I held him tightly and smelled his hair. He smelled so good! I fell to the floor with Sauli in my arms as I cried, silent as ever.

"I tried to call you back, but the hotel told me you checked out. I got worried..... A lot"

He didn't look at me, his eyes were still fixed on the ground, blurred with confusion.

"I'm here now, sweetheart. Now, tell me what is it you wanted to tell me" I croaked.

"After you left, I felt rather odd. I didn't know what was wrong with my body. I had a severe stomach ache. I sensed I was dying from pain, it felt like knives were stabbing my intestines. I took some pills, but nothing happened...."

"Go on" I encouraged him.

"I called the doctor and he said he'll have to do a sonogram to my stomach"

He stopped as he bursted into tears.

"Oh Adam, I never wanted to tell you this, but-"

"But what? What is it Sauli? Tell me!"

"I know this might ruin our relationship, and I'm afraid this may cause you heaps of trouble..."

What might be so serious that could cause our relationship to end? I know I'd never let go of Sauli, I just can't, cause without him, there's no joy, without him there's no light, and most importantly, without him, there's no me.

"Baby, I assure you that nothing, no matter what it is, would demolish my love to you" I recited as I kissed him gently on his cheek.

"Adam, I... I have cancer..."

My face lost its colour at this news.

Cancer?

But how?

No, this can't be true. Sauli can't have cancer, he just can't. I could hear my heart beating loudly in my ears, pounding fiercely as it was about to break free out of my ribcage. I felt like I was suffocating. I didn't realise I was sobbing loudly as I cried a river. I wanted to reap, to kill, I wanted just to express my anger and the sorrow that has made its way through our lives. I held Sauli closer to my chest and kissed his head, crying even harder. Poor thing, he must've needed an umbrella to shelter from my tears. Minutes passed by, and no one dared to speak a word. We were both on the floor, hugging and crying, or at least I was, as water bursted their way out of my blue eyes like the Niagara Falls. Sauli was calm. Obviously he was shocked, but decided not to scream and make a fiasco about it, unlike me.

"Stomach?" I croaked.

"No, oesophagus"

"Sauli, is it too late?" I breathed with difficulty. "Sauli, are you dying?"

I whimpered my eyes out as the last part escaped my lips. He didn't answer. This killed me. But then, thank god, he shook his head. I sighed from relief. 

  "If this didn't work out, and your condition got worse, I'll give you mine" I spoke.

I'd give Sauli my oesophagus? What the actual fuck? Can I even do that?

"Adam, I'd never take your-" Sauli replied, breaking my chain of thoughts.

"Sauli, you don't get it, do you? I'd kill for you. I would sacrifice my heart if that would make you survive. I love you, and I can't bear with the idea that I might loose you..."

This made Sauli sob so loud. This is the first I ever saw him like that. I held him tightly as he shook in my arms, his nose dug deeply into my chest as he cried his eyes out.

"The doctor... The doctor says it's still in an early stage... So... So I think I've got a chance" moaned Sauli.

I gave silent thanks under my breath that there was hope to cure my soulmate. After long hours sitting on the wooden floor, my tailbone started aching me and I desperately needed to get some sleep. I looked down at Sauli and saw him asleep with his head laying softly on my chest. I didn't dare to move, afraid that I might wake him up. I snivelled inaudibly, with my head to the wall. If Sauli died, I won't be able to live, I'd kill myself...

I carried Sauli to the bed and covered him with the sheets. Then, I took the phone and called his tumour doctor, Dr. Maxwell, to take an appointment for his surgery. A voice hissed deep into my head, but it wasn't the reason to my frightening, it was the words it spilled into my mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the type of cancer I chose, you can tell that I'm the most fucked up person on this planet. Lol. x)


	6. Illness or Murder?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should thank me for this, I updated on Sauli's birthday, or not. Lol.

I woke up on a misty Wednesday, tired as hell. Sauli was nowhere to be found. He must've been already awake, eating his French toast. Today was the day in which my lover would either survive cancer or suffer and end up dying. I wasn't ready for this day. What if he never woke up from the anaesthetic? What if he entered a coma? What if he walked towards the light?

Questions attacked my mind like a bunch of wolves, I was in a state of confusion, but I was also afraid, very afraid. Somehow, I wanted him to enter the surgery and get rid of this tumour, but in another way, I didn't want to let go. I was thinking deeply, that I didn't even realise when Sauli walked in, with a face as gloomy as a rainy day. He leaned on top of me, and  hugged me. I could tell that he was terrified as much as I was, for he was trembling and shivering as I stroked his hair, calming him down.

"Adam?" he croaked, on the edge of crying. "Would you care if I died?" he continued, with water pumping out of his eyes like a waterfall.

"What kind of question is _that?_ Of course I will, oh you have no idea what would happen to me if you..." I was too weak to proceed, but I had to be strong, for Sauli. " If you died"

"Adam, I'm scared. Oh Adam, I'm so scared. I don't want to leave you here"

"Shh, calm down Sauli. You and I both know that you're gonna survive. You're safe, I promise you, after the surgery our lives will become much better"

I didn't know what made me say that, I was ignorant of the future and what cruelty it may hide for me, but I had to convince him that, even if I turned out to be wrong. 

I carried Sauli off the bed, and helped him get dressed. A cold piercing breeze swept the streets, scattering strips of mist in its path. I wasn't focusing on anything, but the ground in front of me as I got out of our apartment with my arm around Sauli's waist. My face was pale white, with deep crevices dug deeply into my cheeks. Sauli, on the other hand, was yellow, literally yellow. His face was weak, and it looked like he had anorexia. I was half dragging him, because I knew his knees and feet were extremely fragile to carry his body. I helped him enter the car, and drove to Saint Murmansk's hospital. No words escaped my lips, and the same situation was applied on Sauli, he was very uncomfortable, I could feel it. So, I grabbed his hand, and started kissing it. Our eyes met. I wasn't strong enough to look at his fatigue aqua eyes, they were too sad, and I couldn't handle watching my lover suffering. 

After what seemed like hours, we finally reached the grand white building.

"Let's not go immediately" suggested Sauli.

"Okay sweetie, as you wish" I replied with a soft smile. 

We cuddled in the car, not aware of the time. I groped tear drops invading their way through my cotton grey shirt and onto my chest. I held him closer to me, sniffing his gorgeous blonde hair. He crawled over, and dug his nose into my neck.

"I wish I can smell you during the surgery" moaned Sauli.

I couldn't think of anything to do except smiling. I've never felt so satisfied in my whole entire life. Even after all our troubles and our quarrels, he still loves me from the bottom of his heart.

"Ready?" I whispered.

"Only if you promise you'll never leave my side" replied Sauli, kissing my lips.

"Promise..." I kissed him back fiercely, but sweetly at the same time.

We entered the Saint Murmansk hospital, holding hands. It smelled like bleach and strong hygiene products, which made me feel rather nauseous. After walking through a maze of hallways, Sauli and I finally reached room 902, which was where Sauli would spend the night. Then, Dr. Maxwell came in, explaining that the procedure is quite simple, and there's nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about? Yeah right, just the mere face that my sunshine might fade away. I aided Sauli to wear one if those paper robes, which were very uncomfortable to him.

"They itch! I don't wanna wear them. Adam, take them off" he whined.

 "Relax, they won't bother you if stopped thinking about them"

A nurse dressed in pure white with long dark red hair hanging gracefully over her shoulders like a cascade of red waters opened the door, leading Sauli to a wheeled bed. He lied down incommodious on the paper sheets. It was obvious that he hated hospitals, with all those paper robes and the awful smell. 

_"I had a vision that the colours had bled away_

_And I had nothing to follow_

_Was in a prison and my life was stuck on replay_

_"And all my wishes were hollow"_ I sung into Sauli's  ear, kissing the back of his hand.

_"You were a beam of light_

_Lit up my broken sky_

_There was just something about you_

_I had a vision and it painted the world for me_

_"And now I'm laying beside you"_ I continued.

He gave me the cutest smile I could ever witness. I blushed. He was so heavenly, and I'm just crazy about him.

"I'll be dreaming of you" uttered Sauli.

I leaned forward, gazing at his pink cushion-like lips, and smiled before I planted a kiss on them. He kissed me back, with sobs breaking through every now and then. I finally realised its time to let go. I mouthed the phrase "I love you" as I saw my lover heading towards the unknown, armed with nothing but the mighty power of love and faith.

I waited hopelessly outside the OR, trembling. I've never ever felt so terrified in my whole life, just that one time when Neil almost drowned, but this was somehow similar but different at the same time. My mind was too blurred to think of anything, I just wanted to see him safe. I wanted to smell his golden locks of hair, snuggle into his small chest, and kiss his tender, feather-soft lips. Tears, tears , and tears escaped my enclosed eyelids as I imagined Sauli with all those tubes inside of him. I hated the fact the he's there, lying on a bed, completely unconscious of what's going on around him.

What if they hurted him purposely?

What if this was all a lie and there's actually nothing wrong with him?

Nah, I must be bonkers to think of such a thing.

Shit! I just remembered that I hadn't brought clean clothes for Sauli to wear after the surgery. I hustled out of the hospital, and made my way to my apartment.

I drove for long continuos hours, and unfortunately I got stuck in rush hour. Great. This couldn't get any better. I waited helplessly as I eventually arrived home. I rotated the door knob, and let myself in. I was distracted by a medium-sized white envelope. Where did it come from? I held it in my hand, examining it thoroughly. It was so light, yet I was sure I could feel something slightly heavy, some sort of metal. I'm pretty sure this _wasn't_ mine and Sauli isn't interested when it comes to junk. My curiosity was killing me more and more as I stared at the piece of white parchment. Impatiently, I cranked it open, dazzled. I took out a bayonet from the envelope, it was painted with dried blood. Nausea boiled inside of me and I was this close to throw up. Surprisingly, there was a note along with it.

_"Stab this through his heart, or face the eternal consequences"_

I gulped. With the note in my hand and the dagger in another, I collapsed to the ground with a thud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Sauli said that he wished he could smell Adam during the surgery, the first thing that popped into my head was: "WOOD, WOOD", lol. xD


	7. Starstruck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, I forgot to tell you that I changed the name of this fic. It sounded too foreign, and people would probably think I'm some French know-it-all, which I'm not by the way. :P

Sun rays have penetrated the windows, birds were chirping around me, and I felt like I was unconscious. I examined the perimeter around me slowly as I moved my head from side to side. Ugh, it hurt so bad! I had a severe headache and I felt like someone stabbed a knife through my back. After several dizzy moments, I was finally aware that I was laying down on the floor.

How did I end up here?

Wasn't I at the hospital?

I fought to arise from my position, but every time I was this close to stand up, I would fall back to the ground. Dammit! I can do this, it's only one move. I caught a chair, and based all my weight on it, and eventually, I made it.

I scanned the apartment, when my eyes fell on the bloody stiletto. Nausea and dizziness stroke me all over again due to this awful scene. I darted the dagger away from my sight, and watched it as it rolled down the couch. Good, now no one will see it. Throwing the piece of paper into the trash can, I started thinking how this weapon ended up here. I'm pretty sure the door was locked when I came in. I came forward towards the windows to examine them. Nothing, no broken glass, no drill marks, absolutely _nothing_. I don't think it was from the window, our flat is in the seventh storey, and only a bumbling idiot would go down from the roof to here. This doesn't make any sense. I've never lost my keys, and Sauli never complained about losing his either, and the only person who had an extra copy was my mother. Someone must've took it somehow, I still dunno how, but I'm pretty sure someone got it.

Suddenly, my phone rang. I froze as I saw an unknown number contacting me and gulped as I gazed at that horrid magenta couch. I picked up, shivering as the word "hello" escaped my lips.

"Mr. Lambert?" a squeaky voice replied.

"Yeah. May I help you?"

"I'm from St. Murmansk's hospital, and I just wanna inform you that Mr. Koskinen's procedure has come to an end"

I gave silent thanks that it was that mousy receptionist, I wanted to hug her, not quite though, they all smell like chlorine or I dunno what it even is, Chemistry wasn't my favourite class during high school, obviously.

"Sure, I'll be right there" I replied after she huffed twice, showing me that he has more important stuff to do than to talk with me. Gee, thanks. 

I hung up, pissed of from both my aching back and my head. Ouch, I've never fainted before! Wait, Sauli's surgery is done? How long have I passed out? I checked the dark grandfather clock at the living room. Shit. It's past two o' clock, not to mention that I need _at least_ thirty minutes to reach that bloody hospital. I quickly shoved some clean clothes into a backpack, and darted to the elevator. I ran to the lobby, and stopped there as I saw a tall dark man with a beaming smile.

"May I help you Mr. Lambert?" he said with a smile. 

Dear Lord! Is he always happy like that?

"Yeah... George" I replied after I perused his name from a small shiny plate embedded to his chest, that sparkled with bright gold the name "George".

"I need to ask you, have you seen something abnormal here?"

"Mars is unusually bright tonight"

Wha? What is he an astrologist or a receptionist?

"I meant something on planet Earth" I said with an annoyed look.

"As a matter of fact, I have!"

A huge smile was drawn on my face as I heard these words.

"You have?" I smiled like a dorky teenager who probably just saw her crush winking her or something.

"They've changed the fertiliser. I mean have you seen what's wrong with the crops these days? Haven't you tasted something weird in your food today?"

"Well-" I blurted  out.

He gave me a gesture to come closer. I grabbed my ear closer to his mouth 

"It's a conspiracy" He whispered.

_"No waaaay"_ I whispered sarcastically.

I was frightened when I saw him nodding at me with wide eyes, as if he's seen a ghost. 

I gave him the "are you fucking kidding me" look, but he just kept on smiling. Man, there must be something wrong with him, he looks like he's constipated or something. 

"Ok, George, if you ever saw something exceptionally ordinary on Mars or Uranus, just tell me"

"Gladly" he beamed again.

Lunatics everywhere! I was asking him about a matter that may be jeopardising my boyfriend's life here, and he just talked about planets? What conspiracy? I was now in a "he's a lunatic, she's a lunatic, you're all lunatic" mood. I forced my mind shut, and tried to forget about this mini talk, which I will probably regret for the rest of my life and headed for my car. 

I drove like a maniac, déjà vu much? I feel comfortable when I drive fast. I'm pretty sure I didn't have this habit before, but I'm clumsy these days, and I'm just getting the urge to delay everything til the last moment. I heard a loud voice coming from behind the car. I ignored it. Afterwards, I saw a police car driving next to me, and some serious-looking policemen spoke thorough the speaker, forcing me to pull over. I'm kinda in a hurry, dude! I pulled over and waited impatiently as he took out his coffee from his car, then came over to mine.

"Is there anything wrong Mr. Officer?" I squeaked.

"As a matter of fact, there is"

I sighed. This probably means trouble. 

"Step out of the car" he croaked. 

I got out of the car and slammed the door shut behind me. He got out some weird looking instrument. I stared at it carefully before I was aware what it was.

"Sir, I'm not drunk!" I said in a flash "I was just in a hurry. No biggie"

He shoved it into my mouth and asked me to breathe as he gazed at the small screen. After about fifteen damn minutes, I was finally free to go to the hospital. What a great start to my day! First, the dagger, then "maniac me" George, and now a police officer. Can't my day become any worse?

I eventually arrived at St. Murmansk's hospital, what a relief! Running through the hallways, I was trying to remember what was the number of Sauli's room. Something that had to do with nine hundred, I guess. Containers, syringes, and hygiene equipments all crashed on the floor as I dashed in front of them. Although I apologised, I'm pretty sure all of the employees cursed me, it was obvious on their looks, and gee they looked angry! I'd rather collaborate with that lunatic than these nurses. 

I finally reached Sauli's room, and I entered as quite as possible, afraid to wake him up. To my surprise, he was already awake.

"You broke your promise" Sauli said with a tired tone.

 I laughed and leaned to kiss his forehead.

"I brought you some clean clothes"

"Thanks Adam, you're the best"

I blushed as I caught his hand and started kissing it.

"Feeling better?" I asked the tired man laying in front of me.

"I am, now that you're  here. Where have you been?"

I presumed it's not a good idea to mention the dagger nor George.

"Traffic" I lied. 

I hated lying to Sauli. I've always tried not to lie to him, but some stuff would really ruin his life. I'll tell him at the perfect moment, I've got it all planned out in my head, and I know exactly when to expose all my secrets to my man.

I watched him as he closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep. I couldn't take my eyes off him. If these threats weren't some sort of prank, this would only mean doom, doom to Sauli, doom to me, and more importantly, doom to our relationship. 


	8. The Cask of Amontillado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm extremely sorry for taking such a long time, but I think I'm not the only one who couldn't update, especially after that incident....

A cold breeze swooped the floor, waking me up. My shoulders shivered as the icy-cold wind climbed my spine. I woke up with tired squinty eyes. I can't believe that I've slept the whole night with my head on the edge of Sauli's bed. I looked over at the gorgeous man, and blushed with joy as I caught him sleeping, slightly snoring. He must've been very tired, he rarely snores, except when his body is exerted. Stretching my arms above my head, I went to hunt down some cappuccino. Man, I felt so tired!

I asked the receptionist where the cafeteria was, and I waited helplessly as she talked to the phone. I gave her the "please continue, I'm very interested" look. No response, instead she fired me a "fuck off" look. Cursing under my breath, I took a walk through the hospital's hallways, since Sauli was sleeping now. Patients were sent to the ER, children were crying, and I was still lost in this building. I huffed from annoyance and furrowed my eyebrows. Where is this bloody cafeteria? After helpless minutes, which seemed like hours to me, I eventually reached it.

For some reason, everyone was scowling at me as I went to the cafeteria.

What's the serious bitchy looks for?

Oh right, cause I barely wrecked their hospital yesterday, recall it?

Drama queens, it was only a couple of items, no biggie! Rolling my eyes, I took my cup and added two shots of cream into it. Stare away motherfuckers, such a big deal, I'm drinking coffee! Angrily, I got out and slammed the door behind me. I was uncomfortable of both their looks and the awful smell. Thank god we're leaving today, or else I would've killed myself from this odour.

I embarked Sauli's room, and saw him siting on his bed, drinking some sort of weird smelling stew.

"What the devil is that?" I laughed. 

"Chicken soup" he replied, as he slurped happily.

I couldn't help but smile. I watched him happily as he ate his soup, grabbed his hands close to each other, and grinned to my face.

It was noon, and it was almost time for us to leave. I signed tons and tons of papers, avoiding the horrifying look that bizarre nurse held on her face. What's the matter with people these days? Either bonkers or serious! 

Helping Sauli getting rid out of those paper robes, I was surprised when tiny lips gently crashed onto mine. 

"I love you like hell, Adam" his lips traced.

"I love you too, baby"

We kissed for long minutes. With Sauli's arms around my torso, and mine around his waist, I didn't even dare to break this holy moment.

I grabbed his hand and pushed his wheelchair outside the main doors. The warm air kissed my face as I invaded the perimeter with Sauli  in front of me.

Before climbing into the car, I leaned down to his wheelchair and kissed him on the lips, and moaned quietly as he kissed me back. I carried him from the chair to the car, keeping him close to my chest. He was uncomfortable. I was able to see his pain even behind that wide smile. His eyes were red and puffy, and it looked like he was terrified, even though the surgery is over. I hopped into the driver's seat, and drove home.

We finally arrived to our place. Entering through the main doors, a voice hissed calling my name. I could never mistake that voice, even if I was on Mars. Speaking of Mars...

"Mr. Lambert!"

"Geooorge" I replied with a pissed off look. 

"I have valuable information for you" he beamed. 

Shit. This only means more of his Uranus crap. 

"I wonder what it might be" I said ironically. 

"I just saw you on television. These liars said you were a singer. How could they come up with such a scandal?"

Kill me. I looked distortedly at him, and walked away as I saw Sauli's patience coming to an end. 

"Stop chatting with people, I'm tired" he moaned.

"Someone's grumpy" I said, kissing him on the lips. 

"Hey, don't kiss me in public!"

"We're in an elevator, Sauli" I whined. 

He threw me a "whatever" look and rolled his eyes impatiently as the metal box climbed the storeys. Although he faked being angry, I could swear I saw him blushing, licking his lips as they trembled quietly. 

I inserted the key and rotated the door knob. I sighed in relief, we were home. I scanned the perimeter, throwing my keys on a small glass table.

"I'll go change, baby" spoke Sauli, rolling the wheels of his chair towards the bed room.

I groaned and took out some oranges to make juice. I was peeling the soft orange orbs, when I heard Sauli half yelling:

"Adam?"

"What is it?"

I heard a slight rattle and gazed into the horizon as Sauli's wheelchair was finally visible to me. 

"Why is there a wooden container in the bedroom?"

I was dazzled. What wooden container? I didn't order nor bought anything. Could this be a prank? Don't start bluffing Sauli! I pushed my swain's chair and headed towards our big fancy room. As I opened the dark wooden door, my eyes fell on a large cylinder wooden container. It stood in front of the king sized bed. Is that...

"A cask?" I whispered. 

My head felt heavy, as if an enormous stone had been placed on my skull, crushing through the bones. I examined the cask thoroughly. My hands scanned the words that shined with a rusty copper shade: _"Amontillado 1807-1932"_

"So I've been in surgery, and all you do is buy wine? Oh how legit, Adam" Sauli whined. 

I ignored Sauli and left him blabbing and murmuring to himself as I helplessly tried to open the cask.

"That's why you didn't stay next to me during the whole procedure? My boyfriend was goofing around with wine, while I was dying!" he yelled. 

"Oh, shut it, Sauli! You think I put this accidentally in our house? Spilling red wine all over the white carpets?"

"Then what are you referring to? It magically popped into our apartment? Makes sense" he mocked me.

I rolled my eyes and searched for a crowbar. Sauli, of course, was still angry and furrowed his brow every time I glanced at him. I caught the crowbar, placed it between the body and the base, and thrusted the whole thing out.

 I heard loud beeping then a brake coming from the window.

"Why are the cops here?" croaked Sauli, looking out of the clear glass windows.

I was too busy cranking the cask open, it looked like it was rusty, but wood can't rust. After various attempts to open the cylinder, the lid finally broke off with a crack. I backed off as I tilted the cask to its side, gasping. A disgusting odour invaded the surrounding air, I grew nauseous. It smelled worse than the chlorine in the hospital. I felt giddy and I was about to pass out. 

 Sauli's shriek pierced my ears, which may have made my ears bleed. My guts boiled inside of me as I stared at the figure. At that exact moment, I heard a thud. Someone must've broke the door. Umpteen uniformed police men darted into the room where Sauli and I lied. They held their guns at us, looking at our pale faces, and then to the decaying corpse that fell out of the cask of the Amontillado.


	9. Imprisoned

_"It can't be him!"_

_"His fingerprints are all over the container"_

_"And on the cadaver?"_

_"Nothing. No DNA, no hair, no skin. Obviously it was clean and perfectionist"_

_"He couldn't have committed such a perfect crime!"_

_"But sir-"_

_"He's a singer. He rubs his back and bottom to speakers. He has tattoos and care about his own nail polish more than he cares about the apocalypse"_

_"Many people wear tattoos-"_

_"He's not a serial killer!"_

_"Then what about the weapon?"_

_"What weapon?"_

_"We found a dagger under his couch, painted with dry blood. Wanna guess how the poor lady got killed?"_

_"Are you sure of this?"_

_"His fingerprints are all over it"_

_"Is it a match? Is the weapon a match to the death wound?"_

_"It's in the laboratory, we'll know in no time"_

_"Who is she anyways?"_

_"Bathilda Lockwood, a young businesswoman. She works in that huge company right across the street"_

\-------

"Mr. Lambert?"

A strabismus fell upon my eyes. I fidgeted as I heard these voices fading away.

"Mr. Lambert"

I heard the enunciation again. I disregarded it, continuing my sleep. 

"MR. LAMBERT" shrieked the voice, pounding on metal rods.

"Hmm?"

I rose from my position, looking at the huge figure. A uniformed guard held me from the arms and walked me to a small room. 

I chafed my eyes as I gazed at the minor room. It was painted in white, with one long stretching mirrored wall. It was completely empty, except for a prolonged metal table in the middle, and a chair, with me on it. A white man with grey pants and a black shirt walked from the door. He didn't look like the kind of man who could take a joke. Yikes.

"So, Mr. Lambert, did you have a good sleep?" he conversed.

"Where's Sauli?" I blurted out.

"Mr. Koskinen is in the station's hospital, resting. He will join you in a few moment's time"

"And... Where am I?" I questioned vertiginously.

"In Los Angeles' police station"

What? I'm in a police stand? How did I end up here? All I remember I was in my apartment, opening a keg. Oh shit, now it hit me.

"I have a few questions for you. Where were you around 9AM yesterday?"

I hesitated for a moment, not aware of the fact that I'm here with a policeman questioning me. He shot me a "are you high" look. I shrugged.

"I was in the hospital. My boyfriend was in a surgery"

"What's the name of the hospital?"

"Saint Murmansk's"

"Tell me about this" he threw a plastic zip-it bag on the table, with a flat piece of metal inside of it. 

"That's not mine" I screamed.

"It was under your couch"

"I..." I prevented myself from continuing. I don't think it's a good idea if I mentioned that I'm being watched and blackmailed. I hated cops, and I would kill myself than deal with them.

"You what?" he inquired.

"I bought a chicken the other day and slew it" I lied.

"You slew a chicken? Adam Lambert, international pop star, slew a chicken with a knife in his own house?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Who gave you the cask?" he asked violently.

"I came home from the hospital. I went to my bedroom and saw it there"

"Your fingerprints are all over it"

"If you came back home one day and saw a cask right inside your bedroom, wouldn't you be curious and try to open it?"

His hazel eyes pierced mine as I gulped. His eyes were so hard to read. I gazed and gazed and gazed, but nothing escaped his lips. He just looked at my eyes, which freaked the hell out of me.

After what seemed like ages, our eye connection finally broke apart, and that same guard took me back to my cell. 

I found Sauli sitting on the concrete floor. I shook in the guards arms and rushed towards my lover, sniffing his hair. 

"Baby, are you alright? Did they do anything to you?" I asked, with tears in my eyes. 

"I'm fine, Adam" he smiled at me, bussing my lips.

"I thought no kissing in public" I teased him. He blushed.

I held him closer to my chest, leaning my chin on his skull.

I wonder. I wonder how that cask ended up in my place. I wonder how I ended up here. Everything flashed inside of my head. The vat, the letter, and the stiletto. Wait. I found the tun one day after I discovered the dirk. This means it was planted by the same person! The question is, who could it be? I don't have any enemies, at least that's what I knew. 

My thoughts were interrupted by that same white man. He wandered around my cell, looking into my eyes. Can't you just stop that?!

I captured another tall white figure approaching him, showing him some papers that were embedded in a brown envelope. Sauli slightly inquietuded in my arms, shivering from the piercing cold. I took off my jacket and covered his sleeping shoulders. The poor baby. This troublesome situation must've tired him like hell, especially the fact that it's been a couple of days since his surgery.

I beheld at the same spot that man was, but it was empty. My eyes searched for him, but he was no where to be found. I sighed, clutching harder to my sleeping man.

I hope he fell for the chicken lie. I haven't told anyone about my collaboration with these threatening messages, so why should I start talking about it to the cops? I haven't even mentioned it to my soulmate, so I don't think my lips are brave enough to spill it to anyone else. Even so, I can't tell Sauli now, it's such a bad time, and I won't risk his health for such a selfish thing to know.

I playfully stroked Sauli's blonde hair, shifting my mind out of everything.

I scanned the cell around of me. It was filthy and pitch dark. The paint of the walls were peeling. Both the floor and the walls were moist and wet. There was absolutely no beds and no chairs. It was empty, and Sauli and I are here, not aware of what might happen to us.

What if they concluded that I was guilty?

What's gonna happen to Sauli then?

Who will take care of him?

Questions attacked my mind like a bunch of wolves, which made my head ache like someone just banged a cactus onto my pate. All I knew was that I am stuck here with Sauli, stuck till they announce me guilty or innocent, stuck here, suffering inside this enclosed room, stuck with the voice that hissed inside of me every now and then, and stuck here while the person behind this is out there, laughing, drinking his champagne while I'm rotting here, decaying with my paramour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is one true part in this chapter, he really does rubs his back and bottom to speakers, lol.


	10. On The Edge of Guiltiness

It's been a whole night since I'm stuck here with my tired man. I waited impotently in this cold cell, as Sauli's soft coughs woke me up every now and then.

A few seconds later, the weak current of the lighting system, which lit up the shapes of buildings and windows, faded away. On the flooding pavements, the street lamps blinked, then went out like candles snuffed by the wind.

I searched for any movement outside our cell. Nothing. The police station appeared to be haunted. No wandering guards, no people shooting me uncomfortable looks, absolutely nothing. I'm getting the feeling that this is some sort of cheap joke.

What time is it now? Great, they took my watch and wallet at the desk. I got really bored. I'm imprisoned for a crime I haven't commit, yet they're pretty sure it was me. The clues won't lie. Yes, my fingerprints are on the cask and the dirk, but I didn't kill nobody. There is one good thing about it, it was _me_ and not Sauli.

Can't just someone move or stir? Shivers were riding my spine, I goose bumped every now and then. Thank god I'm not alone. I wrapped my arms tighter around my swain.

A slight strait woke me up. I felt huge palms shaking the fuck out of my shoulders. I unlocked my eyes, squinting. I must've over slept.

"We need a word with you Mr. Lambert" a hoarse voice spoke.

I recognised the same security guard from yesterday along with that tall white man.

"You're free to go" one of them said. I was too drowsy to find out who it was.

"What?" I asked stupidly. 

"The weapon didn't match the death wound we found on the carcass, and I have to say, you had a really good alibi. You couldn't have killed her when you were at the hospital, the nurses testified that, although they blamed you for wrecking their hospital... I think?"

"So, I'm innocent?" I questioned, not aware of what's going on around me. It took them a _whole_ night to prove me innocent? What the actual fuck?

"Not quite..." the pale man replied. Shit. "You're gonna have to pay for slaying a chicken without a licence"

Holy crap. I needed a licence too? It's just chicken, no biggie.

A terrifying laugh escaped his mouth, it sounded evil and it scared me, a lot. 

"That part was a joke" they both continued laughing.

"I thought cops don't do jokes" I whispered.

To my surprise he heard me and shot me an angry look. Calm your tits, man!

I observed them as they walked away, whispering something about a new case. 

Finally, I'm free, I can leave this prison, this nasty place, without any charges. I didn't want to leave until Sauli wakes up. He's been through a lot lately and I don't want to take his comfort away from him, although I wanted to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. 

My patience was coming to an end. Sauli was softly snoring now and I desperately needed to walk and have some fresh air.

"Saul, wake up. We can go now. C'mon lazy ass" I shook him.

He opened his eyes, looked at me, and closed them again.

"For the love of god, Sauli!" I shook him again. 

"Adam, don't let the pig get you. Get me some strawberries"

What? This isn't time to play games, Sauli! If George was contagious, I'd kill him.

I got sick of Sauli and decided to carry him out of the station. I didn't notice there was a guard standing at the door cell, waiting for us to move. Sorry pal, I'm not the one who's babbling about pigs.

He unlocked the door and showed us the way to a desk. The mousy receptionist boldly requested me to sign some papers. Taking my watch and wallet, I walked out of the doors with Sauli in my arms. 

I was so happy I could die! I took a cab and waited impatiently as we finally arrived to our place. Ah, home sweet home.

I was lost. I'm in the correct storey, but I couldn't find my apartment. My door was the only dark wooden one, with the number 306 shining on the very top. I finally saw a familiar door step, and luckily, it was mine. Wow, I think that one night in prison stole all my memory away.

Twisting the door knob, I was surprised why it wasn't locked. Oh right, the cops literally crashed through it, and some kind human being put it back to its place. 

Cautious not to wake Sauli up, I put him gently on the magenta couch and headed for the door.

I was about to exit the lobby, when I heard a voice, a voice that I could never mistake in my whole entire life.

"Mr. Lambert" he croaked. 

"Hey, George" I groaned. 

"I have some good news for you"

This could be really good or really bad, and from my last two "conversations" with George, I concluded that he's nothing but a pain in the ass. 

"Okay, hit me"

"I've been observing the cameras these days, and I saw something rather odd. There was something skulking around your apartment door the day I told you Mars was bright, remember it?"

Of course I remember it! It was the day I fucking met you. It was the beginning of my nervous breakdown, the beginning of my end.

"Wanna know who it was?" he beamed at me. 

"Of _course_ " I smiled widely at him.

I saw him bending down behind the desk and pull out a furry object.  

"A cat!" I exclaimed.

I stared at him. He didn't move. Instead, he stroke the cat and kissed it as it purred. Wait could this mean...?

"A fucking cat is the one who broke into my flat?" I shot him a "I'm this close to strangling you" look. 

"Well, not break into per se, it was just being friendly"

Oh dear lord, please be with me. I started sobbing. I actually thought that there was use from this guy. Well, what can I say, I was a fool to think _that!_

"Here carry it" 

A huge ball of fur fell onto my face, starching the hell out of it. I screamed, trying to get this ugly four legged _thing_ off of me. Biting into my flesh, I grasped it from its tail and threw it to the wall. 

"How dare you Mr. Lambert" George screamed at me. 

"How dare me?" I yelled. "Your three assed cat was biting me and scrat- achoo" 

My skin was itching me right now and my face was burning like hell.

"Plus- achoo, I'm allergic to cats" I spat into his face. 

Sneezing and cursing under my breath, I went to my car. If I ever caught sight of him again, I'll strangle him!

I stopped at the grocery store to get some strawberries for Sauli. I don't know if he was bluffing when he said he wanted some, but I was gonna get them anyways.

I decided that I need to chill down and control my temper, so I headed to Starbucks. Nothing would satisfy my wrath more than a huge cup of chocolate macchiato with whipped cream, caramel and chocolate shavings at the top.

"Hiya" a voice called behind me as soon as I reached the counter.

I turned around and gazed at those wide green eyes.

"Charlize!" I croaked. "What are you doing here?"

She was the last person I was ever expecting to see. 

"Can't a _woman_ have a cup of coffee?" she replied, raising a brow.

That must've meant something, but I ignored it and stared at her bold poker face.

I laughed uncontrollably, it sounded like a maniac laugh. "Why not?" 

I instantly took my cup, holding a bizarre expression on my face. I thought this day would be a normal typical day, but I was wrong. First, a cuckoo cat literally attacked me and almost killed me, okay not exactly kill me, I may be exaggerating, and then I met.. Charlize? What's going on?

As I reached to my building, I planned for a ruse. I'll raise my hoodie and wear my sunglasses, then I'll dash straight to the elevator _without_ looking at the reception desk.

I got out of the car, with my disguise suit on. The main door was visible to me. I ducked down scanning the perimeter. No sign of George. Fuck yeah.

I walked through the doors as unsuspiciously as possible, then I ran like a crazy peacock towards the elevator. Suddenly, I fell to the ground. My nose started hurting me as if someone dropped an ax at it. I groaned, slapping my palm to my pointed nose. Jinx, jinx everywhere! What human with his complete senses would put a suitcase in the middle of the way?

Finally, I spotted the wide metal identical doors. As they opened, I caught sight of a furry grey cat sitting in the middle of the elevator, licking its fur. Yuck! Someone give me a bag to throw up.

I'm not gonna take a risk and ride the elevator with that savage cat, who almost changed my face's monuments.

Taking the stairs, I started cursing: cursing my life, my luck, and my brilliant mind. Next time, I'll get a house not an apartment. I'm climbing seven storeys just because of "hey I'm George the nut head" and his pathetic little piece of demon fur. 

Panting like fuck, I opened the door and looked at my sweet innocent man, who was watching some reality show, as quiet as an angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love George, lol.


	11. By The Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter so far! Enjoy!

"Sauli, I'm back. I got your strawberries"

"Yay, strawberries" Sauli replied excitedly. 

I sat down on the couch, peeping over at Sauli, who was too busy munching on his red berries.

"What happened to your face?" he said, laughing. "It looks like you battled with a cat or something"

I salute you, Sauli. You're a psychic. 

"Don't ask..." I sighed. 

After a long silence, he finally blurted out excitedly. 

"Let's play a game"

"Okay" I smiled at him. "What's it called?"

"Seduce Sauli" he said, widening his eyes.

I laughed. "You've got to be kidding me, Sauli!"

"Hey, it's either now or never. I'll be the naïve country girl, and you'll be one of those rich merchants who take advantage of innocent young women like me"

"Are you sure, Ms. Naïve country girl?" I derided him. 

He nodded agitatedly.

I took off my jacket as slowly and as sexy as possible. Stretching my arms, I looked at Sauli, who didn't seem to be having fun at all. I decided to do some boom boom pow, so I threw my jacket on the couch, instead it fell to the ground. 

Sauli laughed his ass off. "Phase one: epic fail" 

I scolded at him.

"That's cause I didn't warm up, smarty pants!"

_"Riiiiight"_

"Fine, you want seduction? I'll give you seduction"

I grasped on his tanned shoulders, shoving him off the armchair to the floor. With my arms on the sides of his head, I forced my mouth muscle into his orifice. I licked his neck and throat truculently, taking away his breath. He forced our lips to break apart, panting. 

"Hey, you're forcing me to love you, that's not how it's supposed to be. You should make me fall for you, like how Newton's apple fell right on his enormous head"

"Since when do you say poetry?!" I laughed at him. 

He scowled at me. 

"Alright, I'll show you how I'll make you fall for my irresistible charms"

I took off my shirt, stretching and spreading my arms above my head, sideways, and diagonally. I grabbed the reddest strawberry from Sauli's bowl. Licking it, I ate it lustfully  while I was eye fucking Sauli. I moaned. It tasted so good. A drop of pure water dripped from my lower lip. I sucked it as slow as a turtle's pace, swaying and flipping my hair. Without a single alarm, Sauli jumped on me, grabbing his tongue with mine and throwing us to the opposite side of the wooden floor. Flipping our bodies, I laid on top of him, wrestling my tongue against his as he tried helplessly to moan. I teared his limbs apart from each other, as I stuck my whole mouth inside of his. Finally, we broke apart with a smack. 

"Phase one: complete" I said, looking lustfully at Sauli.

"There's still phase two and three" replied Sauli "Impress me, I'm all yours"

I stood up and laid down on the horrid magenta couch. I unzipped my pants and thrusted my hand on my organ, moaning with a loud tone. I waited for Sauli to get completely sexually frustrated.

In no time, I sensed him taking of my pants, naked. Some patience, huh? 

He fell on top of me and kissed me, moving my crotch between his fingers. My hand slipped to his bottom, squeezing his small buttocks.

"Get ready for phase three" I murmured as I was feeding on Saul's lips.

"Wait, I'm tired. Let's wait a bit" panted Sauli. 

"Ok how about a warm up?" I winked at him.

It took him a while to realise it, but then his eyes widened as he croaked: "No, please not a warm up, I don't want phase three!"

"Fine, I'll give you a pre warm up?"

After a moment of hesitation, he said: "Okay, just go easy on me"

Flicking both of our physiques, I moved my lower part in a circular movement. Clockwise and anticlockwise, Sauli's moans were the soundtrack of my ruse. I rubbed my crotch roughly against his, licking his lips.

"Adam, please stop" Sauli begged me.

"Hey, you were the one who suggested this game" I replied. 

"If you don't stop this second, I swear I'm gonna pee on the couch"

"Be my guest, I never really like this ugly couch"

Sauli moaned and weeped helplessly as I dug further.

He groaned into my ears, imploring me to stop, with a terrified tone. I swayed even harder, making his body contract even more. Then, I finally comprehended his body relaxing. 

"Shit" he bursted out.

I gazed at the shocking look he held on his face. Without even thinking, I lifted my body from Sauli's. 

"You'll do the cleaning" I recited. 

"I told you to stop, Adam!"

I sneered at him, laughing hardly that I wasn't able to feel my waist anymore. He frowned at me and cursed under his breath. 

I put one arm behind his neck and the other under his knees. With one swift, I carried him towards the bathroom. 

"Phase two: Wrecked due to Sauli's water" I laughed. 

"Shut _uppp"_ he blushed fiercely. 

I kissed his forehead and threw him into the fancy beige restroom.

"I'll be in bed for phase three" I yelled. 

I laid down on king sized bed, waiting for Sauli. I checked my watch. It's been ten minutes, and he still didn't pop out of that jinxed bathroom!

"Sauli, are you dead?" I bawled.  

I heard a click and I saw him entering the room, blushing as ever.

"Sorry..." he croaked. 

I leaned forward and planted a baby kiss on his cushion lips.

"Ready for phase three?"

He sighed. "Yeah..." 

I grabbed him from the arms and rested his head on a pillow.

"Now before we start, this is my side of the bed, which means no foreign substances here!" 

"Asshole" I heard him whisper.

How dare he? Without an alarm, I thrusted my index finger into his opening. He shrieked and started tightening against my finger.

"Ouch! Sauli, relax!" I spat. 

"Get out of me you creep!" he said, squirming around, causing me deaf from his shriek.

I sensed a huge palm clapping on my right cheek, leaving a visible trace that tingled more and more as time passed. 

"The fuck?" 

"Serves you right!"

I longed to leave. I was too pissed off from his attitude. He immediately caught my hand.

"Where are you going?" he asked, frightened.

"I'm sick of your shit, Sauli"

"Baby, I'm sorry" his eyes began to water.

He came closer and dug his head deep into my chest, sobbing. I felt sorry for him. 

"Shh, it's alright sweetie" I soothed him. "It's not your fault"

We grabbed some chocolate from a deep wooden bowl, which was on top of my nightstand and ate them hungrily. I ate it seductively, licking my lips and fingers every now and then, and although he desperately tried to hide it, it was so obvious Sauli grew sexually frustrated by every lick.

"Spit it out, Adam"

"What is it this time, Sauli?"

"Spit. The. Chocolate"

I raised a "are you fucking kidding me" brow and ignored him. 

"You ate the last piece of white chocolate, you know I only like white chocolate" he crossed his brows.

"There are plenty of milk ones for you to nimble on" I grinned at him. 

"Why do you always eat MY food, Adam?"

"Here eat it" I said, pulling my tongue out to Sauli's face, revealing the melting heart-shaped cream white chocolate. 

I became blind for a moment. I couldn't see a thing, it was pitch black. 

"Why did you that?" I screamed. "This is the second time you slap me! And now the chocolate flew from my mouth to the sheets"

"YOU ATE MY CHOCOLATE"

"These sheets are 400 dollars Egyptian cotton! You ruined them. I thought I told you no foreign substances on my bed"

I searched the bowl for a delicious piece of these heavenly sugary holy sins. I spotted one last piece of dark chocolate, laying on top of all the other pieces, waiting to be eaten. I eyed Sauli. I caught him looking at the _exact_ piece of chocolate, then at me with a smirk.

Both our hands darted at the same time towards the bowl. We lost our balance, flipping the bowl of chocolate all over our naked bodies. I heard a sound of sucking and moaning.

"You know I love the dark ones the most" I scolded at him. 

"I can't believe you Adam, we're arguing over chocolate for god's sake!" 

I stopped his palm from slapping my face for the third time. I caught it, wrapped it around my waist, and bussed his pink lips. He instantly relaxed, moving his hand from my waist to the back of my head, brining me closer to him. 

"I love you, Sauli" I confessed. 

"I love you more, Adam" he said, biting his lower lip. 

We went back to the bed, with Sauli under me.

"Oh I forgot to tell you" he broke the silence. "I got you this" he beamed. 

His arm stretched miles under the bed, finally he took it out with an odd looking object. He held a red fluffy puppet. It was neither big nor small, yet the perfect size any puppet would ever want to be. Its colour was as red as the strawberries Sauli was feeding on earlier that night. It had a bright yellow nose. The yellow made a perfect relaxing contrast with the crimson. I barely spotted its black buttoned eyes.

"Elmo" I said excitedly. "How did you know I loved Elmo?"

He said nothing. He just smiled at me, stroking my black hair. 

"I used to watch Sesame Street every day before I went to bed" I croaked, beaming with happiness.

"I was obsessed with Barney"

I couldn't stop myself from laughing uncontrollably.

"Ah, so the naïve country girl has a secret crush on Barney" I teased him, tickling his chin.

"Shut _up!"_

I mocked him and made pathetic face gestures, pulling out my tongue and rolling my eyes in all directions. He just laughed and pouted at me.

"Okay, I'll give you seven out of ten"

"What Sauli? Seven? I deserve a ten" I yelled at him.

"You didn't actually seduce me, you just made out with me" he continued, cupping my cheek. "Actually I'd give you a zero to the seduction part..."

"You're being a jerk now, Sauli" I spat. "You were the one who begged me to stop, and you were all like 'ahhhh stop, this hurts'"

"You bounced on me like a lunatic"

"I deserve a ten, I played my role perfectly. Stop whining, country girl" I vexed him. 

"You're an ass, Adam"

"Maybe I am, but you're crazy about this piece of flesh" I winked at him "Oh, and don't forget to neutralise the couch first thing in the morning"

Sauli's mirth made me blush. I laid my head on his chest, cuddling to my Elmo. The smile hadn't dared to leave my face. I had completely forgotten about every thing: the cask, the prison, and my unwashable scars. With one kiss planted on his thorax, I fell asleep with my drowsy lover under me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I think from this mini chapter, we can conclude that love is bipolar; one second you quarrel with your loved one, and another second you remember what brought you here the first place, so you decide to leave everything behind and move on. Complicated, no?


	12. A Chaotic Surprise

It was early in the morning. I woke up and Sauli wasn't beside me. As I scratched the back of my head, I caught sight of the chocolate bowl. I grinned, blushing as I remembered my lovely incident with Sauli yesterday. Finally, I decided to get up, and without even washing my face, I searched for Sauli. I saw my blonde lover arranging the wine bottles in the kitchen. I hugged him from the back as I said: "Good morning, baby"

"Good morning? It's 3PM, Adam" he laughed. 

"Who cares?" I nibbled on the back of his neck as he slightly tightened it. 

He turned on his heel and smiled widely but warmly at me. Wrapping his hands around me, I shivered as his cold hands traced down my back to my buttocks. I giggled in his ear.

"Ready?" Sauli asked. 

"Ready for what?" I winked at him. 

"Lee's birthday party"

"Today's Lee's birthday?" I asked stupidly. 

He rolled his eyes at me. 

"I told you before" he replied. "And, you still haven't gotten him a present"

I groaned. 

"Take a shower so you'll make it on time" Sauli suggested. 

"Take a shower with me" I ordered him. "Please"

"I'm busy"

"With what? Wine? Come on, we'll have fun. You know we will" I said, winking. 

"I don't think that's such a good-"

"Please please please" I pouted at him, giving him the "puppy eyes" look. 

"I'll probably regret this, but okay"

"Believe me, you won't. Don't worry the wine will forgive you" I teased him. 

I excitedly carried him to the bathroom. Taking his pants off for him, I planted a soft kiss on his crotch. He giggled.

I guided him behind the shower curtain. Sauli moaned as the hot water burned both our flesh. I was quiet most of the time, too busy looking at my man digging his nose into my chest. 

We got out of the shower after some time. I checked the clock. Good, it's still three past thirty. I was too busy deciding what to wear, when Sauli interrupted my thoughts. 

"You're late. It's 4 o'clock now"

Shit what? I looked at my cellphone. It _was_ four! I randomly started picking anything to wear, really anything. I heard Sauli murmuring about food, but I ignored him, I was too busy. I dressed like a maniac and half ran with one hand inside the jacket and the other outside it. As I reached the door, Sauli ran towards me and threw a sandwich into my face, I smelled eggs. 

"Here take this, you haven't eaten all day"

"Thanks, babe"

Dashing to the elevator, Sauli half yelled at me: "Are you wearing boxers?"

I looked into my pants. Oh god. I dressed too fast, that I actually forgot to put any undies on, but now it was too late. I ate the sandwich Sauli made me earlier and almost puked. Opening it up, I saw something red. 

"Sauli, you know I hate tomatoes" I yelled. As if he's gonna hear me screaming inside an elevator while he's in the last storey of this damn building. 

I got out of the elevator, annoyed. I caught glimpse of dark skin and my feet immediately started running towards the door. Panting, I got into my car when suddenly I heard a violent knock on my window that scared the hell out of me and made me drop my sandwich. Great. Now my whole car will smell like eggs. I shrieked loudly as I saw George with his beaming smile. Without even thinking, I shoved the keys into the keyhole and drove like a maniac out of the parking lot. Where did that nut head come from? Ugh, every time I'm in a hurry or in a good mood, he just has to ruin it. 

Now my major problem was that I haven't gotten any present for Lee _and_ I'm late, not to mention that I need at least fifteen minutes of driving to reach their villa. Well, you know what they say, better arrive late then ugly, only for me it's better arrive late than no gift, if that made _any_ sense.

I stopped at several gift shops. None had the perfect gift, actually no one had a gift suitable for a man. I can't just buy him a teddy bear and tell him: "Lee, happy birthday!" That would be weird, it's not even Valentine's day. 

Outside one of the shops, I saw a small boy selling meretricious souvenirs. I was already late, so I decided to take a look. Obviously everything he had was either fake or stolen. I think they're stolen, I just saw something that looks expensive, unless that's cheap gold paint. Going through his bargain, I finally found what I was looking for. There was one problem though...

"This isn't even a Rolex" I told the boy. 

"It is" he replied. "Look" he pointed to middle of the watch's background. 

"That's _Brolex_. What am I supposed to tell my friend? "Hey bro, this _Brolex_ is for you"?

"Man, just take it or leave it. I've got business"

Yeah right, business aka stealing. Running out of time and after a long argument with myself, I finally decided to buy the watch. That thief. He took fifty dollars from me for a fake copy. He should've wore a mask and hold a gun, now that's more suitable. 

Eventually, I made it to the Cherry's. Scarlett welcomed me with a big tight warm hug. Riff ran like crazy to me and spread his arms in front of me to carry him. 

"Happy birthday Lee" I said to Lee after I hugged him. 

Don't open the present now. For the love of god, _do not open it now._

"Thanks for the _Brolex_ "

Crap. He opened it. Laughing, I disregarded the whole situation and ended up tickling Riff and kissing him. 

Hours have passed by quickly. We ate, laughed, and danced, but now we just sat in the garden, talking in the mesmerising slightly cold breeze. I sat on the hay chair with my godson sleeping on my chest and a bottle of beer in my hand. I took out my phone and read a message I got earlier from Sauli. 

"Don't be late. I've got a pleasant surprise for you"

I smiled like an idiot. It grew late at night rapidly, very rapid indeed. I determined to leave. I was too tired and drunk. I would've loved to stay, but I've already made plans with Sauli. Actually, he's the one who made plans, but who even cares?

 I drove home, crossing my fingers that no policeman would stop me, since I'm drunk driving.

Gyrating the door knob, I reeked a familiar scent. It was lavender, my favourite. Beholding the flat in front of me, I noticed the changes that Sauli made. Rose petals as red as blood were splattered all over the brown wooden floor. Slow music was playing in the background, sounded like George Michael. On the table laid a bottle of Bretagne champagne and an odd red fabric. I picked it and stared at it. It was a pair of red silk boxers. Oh no Sauli, you didn't. Next to the underwear was a note that read: _"Wear me"._

I obediently took off my clothes and laid down in the couch, with nothing but the silk fabric touching my skin. 

All of a sudden, the lights went out. I sensed a pressure on my chest. It must be Sauli. Flipping our bodies, I was on top of him, kissing his small lips. I hungrily bussed him as his hands were all around me, pulling me closer. Something wasn't right. I sniffed a peculiar smell, a smell I have never smelled before in my whole entire life. Could that be women's cologne? Nah, I must be bluffing. I sucked on Sauli's neck, leaving various hickeys all over it. I heard him moan. Wait a minute, that didn't sound like his moan. His moan was high pitched but not as high as this! Cut it off Lambert, it's nothing but the booze. 

I harkened a clicking voice. I ignored it as it grew louder and horrid by every minute that passed by. Then, I heard something hit the ground, as if someone dropped his keys. I looked up and saw my blonde lover standing in front of me, tears filling up in his beautiful blue eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a party killer, wasn't it?


	13. Is This Love?

"Sauli, wait" I said, running after him. 

My hand stopped the elevator from closing.

"Sauli, please listen to me"

A huge white bag banged on my shoulder, secreting an odour that smelled like spices. It must've contained some Chinese food. 

"I trusted you, you bitch!" he yelled at me. "And now, I see you making out with some woman? On our couch? Inside our house?" he cried. 

"Sauli, it's not what it looks like"

"No, Adam it's _exactly_ what it looks like!"

He pushed me out of the elevator and closed it quick enough to not make me enter it again. I dashed to the stairs, hoping I'll be able to catch Sauli. This is the first time I don't care that I'm running in public with only boxers on, Sauli is way much important to me, I'd run naked after him. Jumping down the stairs, I tried not to slip and sprain my ankle. I don't want to get any injuries, it may cost me loosing Sauli. 

Finally, I reached the ground floor. I spotted Sauli's blonde head hopping into a cab. Running towards him, all I heard was gasping and "Is that Adam Lambert?", but none of that made me stop running.

 The cold breeze kissed my chest as I flowed after the taxi. Panting, my feet kept running at their highest speed. I couldn't stop shouting after him. I was this close to taxi, when I lost my balance and collapsed to the road.

My chest was roughly being scratched by the concrete. I cried in pain as I was on the ground with a sprained ankle. Everything was blurry, but I caught sight of Sauli's cab. Limping, I desperately tried to follow it. Tears were splashing out of my eyes. I ran after it, but I ended up hurting myself even more. I didn't want to give up easily, not of such a mere thing such as an ankle. I tried and tried and tried but I couldn't catch it. If I hadn't fell and injured myself, I would've been able to stop it and explain that I've never seen this woman in my whole entire life. I sat down on the sidewalk, crying and moaning from both physical and emotional damage. 

It took me quite a long time to reach my flat. I had nothing to loose. I didn't care if someone broke into my apartment. I didn't care if someone stole my stuff. All I cared about now was Sauli. How will I ever explain this to him? Will he consider our long life relationship that's based on trust and love? Will he believe me? Is he going to forgive me? I was so confused right now, other than being drunk. 

I'm such an idiot. I should've knew that wasn't Sauli. The cologne and the moan was different than Sauli's, but I never thought this would happen. I never thought I would end up with a stranger. I want him, I want him so bad, and I want him NOW. If only he told me what his surprise was. If he told me it was Chinese food, none of this would have happened. I should stop over analysing and blaming Sauli, I'm the one who should take full responsibility of everything, and now I shall pay the price.  

All I wanted to do right now was catching that woman who ruined my life. She was no where to be found. I looked in the bathroom, the closet, and the kitchen. Nothing. Although there was a note on the table:

_"Sorry for the scandal"_

Sorry? After what you've done, you say sorry? I started sobbing even harder. I imagined how perfect our love life was. I spent almost three years building a wall of trust between me and Sauli, and now it's broken, it will never be fixed ever again. We were like the calm water, then suddenly we became paranoid,  in a state of vertigo as if someone poked and stirred the water, and all we need is just some time for the water to settle down again, but it will never be the same. No. It will still carry the remains of the destruction. It will haunt us forever. 

I grabbed up my phone and called Sauli. No one picked up. I helplessly called numerous times, but still no one picked up. No one said "hello" or "whattaya want", and it killed me that Sauli didn't want to talk to me. I can't live without him. 

I never gave up. I kept calling and calling, yet no one answered just a bunch of answering machines.  

"Sauli, please answer me. Sauli, I beg you"

"Sauli, can I just explain?"

"Give me the chance. I swear it's not what it looks like"

"Please, baby?"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ANSWER THE PHONE"

"I love you. I need you"

Again and again, I left voice messages, but no one answered. I cried. I thought about suicide, but then I stopped, hoping I'll have a chance to speak with him. If this didn't work out, I'll either suffer from a nervous breakdown or I'll leave my life behind like a free bird. But Sauli was the one who helped me fly through the darkness of this fallacious world.

 I saw him everywhere. This is the house where we've shared practically everything together. We faced loads of problems together; the cancer, the police station. It was love from first sight and a love as deep as the love I shared with Sauli, will never loose its light easily. I will fight for it. Nothing will ever cause our love to fade away, it's too strong. 

I fell to my knees and cried, I cried my eyes out. As dumb as this may sound, it felt good. I physically felt the pain, and even though I wasn't enjoying the fact that I'm suffering, it mentally felt good. It was like I was holding the pain, touching the agony, smelling it. 

I decided to skip drinking alcohol, it won't soothe my agony, nothing will, except Sauli. His name hurts every time I think of it, every time my lips dare to speak it. 

I called one last time, hoping he'll pick up. After it rung twice, someone picked up. 

"Sauli?"

"Whattaya want, Adam?"

"A chance. A few moments from your time to explain everything. Please Sauli, I'm desperate. Sauli, I'm begging you. If I lost this chance, you can do whatever you want with me, only then I would truly deserve it, but not now, I deserve a second chance. You know I'd kill for you. I'd kill just to be with you. I love you from the bottom of my heart, and you know very well that I would never do such a thing to you. I would rather kill myself than hurt you..."

No one spoke. Nothing but silence. I heard Sauli breathing into the phone with his cute soft little breaths, I tried hardly not to sob. 

"Sauls?"

"It better be good. Oh Adam, your explanation better be fucking good. One chance only, only one"

"Thank you. Thank you so much, baby"

"Tomorrow, in the café around the corner atnoon. Don't be late, I don't have enough time to waste on you"

He hung up before I could tell him that I love him. I was so happy yet so sad. Finally, I will be able to clarify everything to my love. I have one chance, if I blew it, I'd loose him, but this time forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, whattaya think?


	14. I Want You To Stay

I didn't sleep the night. I stayed awake thinking what to tell Sauli, thinking how can I explain in the most convincing way ever. I also kept some notes in mind. I should remember that no matter what, I must try _not_ to cry, it will look as if I have no excuse but I want him anyways. But maybe I should cry, maybe it'll look as if I'm desperate and that I can't eat without him, can't breathe without him, can't live without him.

I'm such a mess.

Dark circles were formed around my eyes. My face has lost its colour and it looked like I've seen a ghost. Oh, I wish this was a dream. I wish I would wake up from this awful nightmare, wake up to find Sauli sleeping next to me on our bed, wake to find Sauli smiling and kissing me a good morning kiss. I hope it'll work out between us today, or else I'll never ever be able to experience these minor things that mean the world to me. 

I took my time as I dressed. I had plenty of time, and frankly I was too busy visualising our meeting than anything else. 

As I got there, my eyes searched for Sauli. I finally spotted him sitting in the middle of the café. I wanted to hug him, but immediately stopped myself at the perfect moment, I didn't want him to think I'm acting..... Strangely.

"Good morning, Sauli. Did you sleep well last night?"

"I'm fine, although you look tired"

I tried to cover my tired skin with some foundation and concealer, but I guess the dark circles around my eyes were still visible to him. 

"I'm fine" I lied. 

"Start" Sauli encouraged me. 

"First of all, I want you to know that I love you very much and even if our relationship didn't work out, I'll still love you and I'll do whatever it is you want..."

I sighed. "Sauli, I came home and saw rose petals on the floor, romantic music, and underwear. You told me earlier that day you had a surprise for me. So when I saw all of these, I thought that was your surprise-"

"And that woman? Why did you invite her?"

"I swear I didn't invite her. I've never even met her before that night. I was too drunk when I was making out with her, I thought it was you. She was petite like you with thin lips like yours. Why would I bring her home if you represent the world to me? Why would I want to hurt you? Why? Tell me, Sauli"

"You've never met her before?"

"Never ever, I assure you"

"Then what are these?" he held a disappointed look on his face.

He handed me a brown envelope. I gasped as I opened it. They were photos of me, but not only me: photos of me with a blonde girl in my car, another on the beach, and the last one in a restaurant, kissing. 

"Where did you get these?"

"So they are yours?" he spat at me. 

"No, no, I meant who gave you these?"

"Why are you afraid, Adam? It's obvious you were having an affair with her"

"What? No Sauli, listen to me, these photos aren't real-"

"Then explain how am I holding photos of you with someone else" he yelled at me. All the people in the café turned around. Can you not?

"I gave you my love, but you spat in my face" he whispered, looking at me. 

"They're not real-"

"You know what, Adam? I'm sick of your shit. I bore with you but now I just realised what an idiot I've been. I knew from the first day I met you, you weren't the man I thought you were. I thought you were different from all the men, one of a kind, but you're just like them"

"I _am_ different" I shouted. 

"You wanted a chance? You got it. Adam, you and I are over"

He slammed his fist on the glass table and walked away.

I sat there, heartbroken, holding the fake pictures of me and a lass I've never seen before. They were photoshopped, but no, he refused to believe his trustworthy lover. He refused to believe the man he shared his life with for almost three years. The fact that Sauli will never love me again killed me from the inside. 

I walked back to my house, crying. I cannot stay in this house any more, it has a massive amount of memories, which will only make me more depressed.

A tall figure stood in front of me as I entered the lobby. 

"Hey, Mr. Lambert" George beamed at me. 

I frowned at him. My nostrils grew bigger as I breathed heavily. Blood boiled inside of me, I lost complete control over my emotions. 

"YOU FILTHY MAN. HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME AFTER ALL I'VE BEEN THROUGH. YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE THE DAY YOU CAME HERE" I screamed at him. 

Everyone looked at me with disgust as I finished yelling. I was almost going to snap out, but tried hardly not to collapse and cry. I gazed at George's black eyes as tears flowed out of them.

I had no idea he had autism.

I had no idea his uncle brought him to work here so he can be more sociable.

I had no idea that I was his only "friend".

I had no idea all the crazy stuff he told was because he had nothing else to say, but he still found anything to talk about because he badly wanted to become close friends with me.

I have hurt a mentally sick grown up man, and I know I'll never forgive myself that I've wounded such an innocent soul.

I got into my apartment. Every where I looked, I saw a memory of Sauli. The kitchen, the bathroom, the couch, and the bedroom. I can't just easily wash away all of our memories. 

I grabbed a baseball bat from the closet, examined it, then smashed it to my flat screen. I struck harder by the second. I destructed every single item that my eyes laid on: vases, tables, and portraits. 

Throwing the bat out of the window, I headed to the kitchen. I clutched to all the wine bottles and demolished them to the ground, one by one. Moving on to the bathroom, I stared at my reflection at the mirror. Deep crevices were buried into my flesh. My eyes have lost their colour and now they looked empty and meaningless. I shattered the enormous mirror that was hung on the wall with my fist. My knees sunk to the ground as I moaned in pain, removing the splinters of glass out of my meat. I cried in agony.

After I washed them with water, I entered the bedroom. I opened the closet and took out one of Sauli's shirts. It was like a narcotic to me, I sniffed it inexorably, with cascades of tears escaping my fatigue eyes. 

_"I knew from the first day I met you, you weren't the man I thought you were"_

This sentence rung into my ears. It made me think how Sauli felt as he said it, the bitterness he experienced as he confessed what a disillusionment I was to him. 

Seething from fury, I grasped a lamp and threw it to the wall. I lost the ability to breath and my heart burned. 

I harkened a thump, but it didn't matter to me, my mind was occupied by Sauli. I watched the perimeter. Tall well built men marched towards me. I threw a lamp at them, but they dodged it and thrusted me to a wall. I fought and squirmed as they scarcely kept me in place. Then, another man approached me. His gloved palms were firmly fisting around a small metal square-shaped box. I resisted the men as I saw a long five inch needle popping out of the box. He placed one of his gloved hands on my cheek, and slowly as a turtle's pace, he inserted the pointer into my neck. I howled in affliction as the medicament poured into my blood. The tight arms finally let go of me. I walked in a zigzagged line, suffering from vertigo and nausea, but it was too late, for I blacked out in the arms of these lab vagaries.


	15. Foreigner

It was cold as ice. Every inch of my body was twitching. I squinted my eyes as I stretched my arms. My back was killing me and I felt like I slept on the ground. Looking around me, I realised that I was on a bed, naked. I jolted up, scanning the four walled room around me. It was empty except for the bed I'm on. I looked through a window with bars on it. I saw people. Some were eating, and others were dancing and acting normal. 

Why wasn't I out without them?

Why am I here?

What is this place?

My stomach rumbled from hungriness, and my bare skin goosebumped as a slight breeze swooped into the room. I needed three things at the moment: food, clothes, and answers.

My eyes searched for something to wear. I caught sight of a grey robe folded neatly on the end of the mattress. I wore it quickly, shivering from the piercing cold. 

My hands scanned the rusty bars on the open window. I saw scratching and biting marks on them. I was disgusted as I saw some blood stains on them. I started analysing every thing I just saw. I was locked up in a place near the downtown, and there were weird substances you don't see them everyday on ordinary bars. I gasped and backed away from the window as I cracked the mystery.

I was in an asylum. 

Suddenly, the thick steel door opened, breaking my chain of mixed up thoughts, revealing two large men. They wrapped their arms around my shoulders, and dragged me out of the cell. I fought hard in their grasp, trying to break free, but they were so well built that I don't even think they felt my weak squirming.

Examining the hallway, I was surprised to find it absolutely clean. No stains, no dirt, no nothing. It was pure white, with the smell of bleach invading my nostrils.

They must be mistaken, I'm not crazy, I'm just me, simply Adam. I haven't done anything to prove that I am nuts. Why is it that the good always deal with the worst?

After a long and painful drag, we finally reached a small room. They threw me to a chair and stood behind me. I was terrified. I had no clue what they might do to me. Fidgeting on my cold steel chair, I heard a horrid sound, like a chainsaw. I gulped. So this is how I will die, isn't it? I've never imagined I'd leave this life this way; my head was going to be cut off. I shut my eyes, ignoring the sound as it grew closer and closer.

This will only hurt for a bit, at least they won't torture me, I'll die with dignity. I don't care what they do to me, I'm already dead from the inside. I lost my love and now my life seems tasteless. He was the sugar that sweetened my whole entire life, and now it's just bitter again.

I sensed something contacting my scalp. I saw black hair falling down on my lap. I felt as if someone removed a burden that had been formed on my chest as I knew they were just shaving my head. I shed a tear. Even though I want to die, I'm not ready to leave, not yet. 

I cursed under my breath as I was dragged again, but this time to a wide courtyard buzzing with people. 

The colour of the bricks on the walls and the floor were fading away. It was filthy and dirty, opposite to the inner building. Plastic bags and garbage were splattered all over the square. Looked like a dump, to be honest. 

People shot me dirty looks the moment I entered, as if I'm an intruder trespassing into their territory. Believe me, I was forced to come here. If it was under my will, I would've ran my ass away from here ages ago.

All of them wore the same pale grey robes. They looked tired and exhausted, like a bunch of zombies. A clique of them were smoking in a corner, gazing closely at me. One of the guards shoved a metal tray into my chest. The food inside of it looked nauseous, as if someone chewed it thoroughly then spat it back on the tray. My stomach roared louder, but I can't eat this _food,_ it's not even food, it's garbage. 

Walking through the other people scattered in the space, I mumbled "sorry" or "excuse me" as I shoved them out of my way. I finally sat at a wooden bench, which appeared as if it was about to break at any moment. I forced the food down my throat and hardly tried not to vomit. 

I harkened a cracking sound and the next second all I knew I was on the floor with a sore back. They laughed at me. I was the dorky newbie who was an outsider to them. It was like I was going through high school all over again. I stopped myself from crying and moaning in agony. 

I went to my cell, hoping I'll feel better. I sat alone, humming as I stared out of the window. I didn't feel so lonely. Anything is better than being out there with these savage beasts.

I was interrupted by a bizarre sound. Peeping from the small opening in the thick steel door, I saw a woman being dragged on the floor the same way I was dragged, into another room. She was screaming violently, she even bit one of the guard's hands. Damn, she's brave, but her bravery hasn't helped her in the slightest bit, they grew fiercer and pulled her from her ankles. Her loud moaning yells pierced my ears. I felt sorry for her. It appeared as if she was begging us for help, but we were all here together in this, we can't escape. She fought and clutched tight on the white floor, digging her fingers in it, but it was no use. All I heard was the sound of her nails scratching the ceramic floor and her horrid screaming. 

I sunk to my knees as I heard a door slam shut. Even though the voice was much more muffled than before, I could still hear her. 

I cried so hard. A woman is probably dying in a room next to me, and I couldn't help her. With every scream that escaped her lips, I cried harder, hugging my torso. 

I spent _hours_ crying, until I've reached a point where I can't cry anymore or else my eyes might fall off. Calming myself down, I laid down on my bed, panting. 

It was getting darker. I impatiently waited as the moon shone on this gloomy night. My heart felt warm as my eyes contacted the romantic shiny orb. It was the first time I smile in two days. I cried from happiness, but I felt something burning inside of me. Must be my conscience. No, it wasn't that. It was something more improtant, something I've forgotten to do. Whatever it was, I'm stuck here and I can't do it. 

Out of curiosity, I wanted to know what day it was. I butt my head out of the door's opening, asking about the date. All the other people ignored me. I shouted for the guards, asking for help.

After about an hour of asking for help, a bunch of security guards passed through my cell. I yelled and waved my arms at them, but they neglected me. I was vexed. I started punching the wall, but stopped instantly due to the pain that was growing underneath the stitches on my knuckles. 

I didn't loose hope, I must know why do I feel like there's something crucial and important about this day. 

Suddenly, my door opened and a fist crashed onto my jaw. I tasted blood on my lips.

  
_"Shut the fuck up you nut head"_ spat a giant man at me, grasping onto my robe's collar and brining my head closer to his. 

I cowered immediately, I didn't want him to hurt me, not after what I witnessed earlier this day. 

"Please tell me what's the date and I swear I'll shut up" I whimpered, accidentally spitting blood on his tanned broad face.

He took out a tissue from his pocket, cleaned his bloody face, then spat: "Aftermidnight, it's gonna be March the twenty eighth you creep!"

Throwing me back on the floor, he shut the door behind him. I slightly touched my bruised tingling lip, wiping the blood brushed on it. 

I crawled towards the window as I heard a chime coming from the downtown tower clock. I moaned Sauli's name between sobs, knowing that he'll never see the surprise I prepared for his birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excited for next chapter?


	16. Taking Over Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda short...

I jolted up as I heard a thud on my door. I rubbed my chest, yawning. Cry marks we're dug deep into my cheeks and neck. My back was stiff and I felt paralysed. I silently stayed in bed before someone pulled me out of it. A man walked me through halls and rooms I haven't seen yet until we reached a steamy room. Throwing me inside a cubicle, he roared: _"Don't take long."_

My meat burned as the boiling hot water touched it. I quietly cried as the water poured on my face. I was interrupted by a bossy yet well built man as he pulled me out of my cubicle and threw me to the floor. My chin yelled in pain as it got blue and bruised. 

Staring at a mirror, I noticed how much weight I've lost in the last couple of days. My cheekbones were slightly visible now, and I could swear the excessive weight around my waist had disappeared. I eventually got out of the bathroom, rubbing my injured chin.

I skipped breakfast and spent it in my cell. I didn't wish to be embarrassed or made fun of like yesterday. I enjoyed being alone. I harkened a squeaking voice from my door. A hatch opened, and a metal tray fell to the floor. Oh how lovely, they brought the _food_ to me, just like a five star hotel. 

I looked outside the window, admiring the wonderful market. All at once, the door opened, and as usual, two guards dragged me from my shoulders again, but this time, they took me to a room I've never been before. 

Throwing me on a chair, the lights went out. The electric current was weak and it continuously blinked.

A hoarse voice spoke, echoing through the small room: "Who do you work for?"

I was puzzled. I tried to look at his face, but I couldn't see anything at all. It was pitch black. I wondered how they were able to see me, they must be using night vision goggles.

"I... I'm my own boss."

"You actually think you can fool us?" 

I furrowed my brow. 

"You must be mistaken... I'm a singer, not an agent or anything like that."

I harkened him mumbling a few words to the guards who brought me here. I gulped. What are they planning for?

"We'll see if this would loosen your tongue." he whispered into my ear, which made me shiver as his coarse voice vibrated into my head. 

Tight arms seized my shoulders. I grew disquietude the moment they touched me. Fear was built upon me as they hauled me over the floor into a chamber. 

It was a small four walled room with one small bed in the centre. On top of the bed, was a huge spotlight, spreading warmth into the room. 

I felt hands gripping tight on my robe, ripping it off my naked physique. An effort threw me on the bed, handcuffing my wrists and ankles to the bed's head-posts. 

I sensed movement around me. My eyes fell upon a peculiar object. I couldn't see what it was, but there was this constant flashing red light. Before I could even analyse what this object might be, they closed my mouth tightly with a piece of duct tape and threw a black bag over my head.

I breathed heavily and panted into the bag. Everything grew silent. As soon my heartbeats were steady again, I felt something cold contacting my crotch. My knees winced. Suddenly, something stroked towards my naked body. Some started licking my neck, others let their hands examine my thighs, and others explored the hill between my legs.

I squirmed into the cuffs, desperately trying to break free. I sensed drops of blood oozing and dripping off my wrists. As painful as it was, I kept fighting as their hands scratched my body, constantly  reminding myself that this would damage my joints even more.

Then, I sensed something else, something watery, more like tongues on my flesh. I cried in pain as they hungrily fed on my skin, biting every bit of me. They were a lot, around seven. I whimpered as teeth bit and tongues sucked my crotch, leaving it numb.

They stopped.

I waited for their next move, they _can't_ be done yet. 

The only voice that could be heard was my panting. The perimeter felt empty. Suddenly, something heavy was put on my chest. Warm flesh kissed mine, as a chest rose and fell from breathing. I felt the air of the warm breath invading the bag on my head. Lips crashed their way on my neck, reaching to my collar bone. I slightly fidgeted as his teeth bit my nipple, trying hardly not to damage my bloody wrists anymore. He bit my neck and sucked it more, leaving disgusting hickeys all over it. I sobbed quietly in despair. He cooed into my ear, soothing me as he sucked my ear lobe. He mumbled something, but I couldn't hear him, probably something like "you're so tasty". He faintly purred as he tickled my chest.

I tried to knock him off me by thrusting my hips, but my mighty plan failed.

Tears continuously escaped my eyes as time passed by.

_I was being raped and I couldn't do anything about it._

I lost track of time as he continued. I felt _weak._ I was so pathetic, crying and accepting my fate rather than fighting back. My eyes squinted as the bag was removed from my head.

It took me quite a while before I realised he was finally done, done from _touching_ me. Looking around me, I couldn't spot that red light. It was gone. I wailed helplessly as my body was being cooked from the heat of the lamp.

I'm stuck here forever...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated.


	17. The Package

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight change in plan...

_My soul felt light as my feet wandered around, ignorant of where I was heading to. I looked around me, terrified as I realised everything around me was transparent, absolute transparent, even the floor. It looked like I was floating. I fought to stop my legs from walking, but I couldn't... I was sleepwalking. Fear was slowly building up inside of me. Where am I?_

_I sensed something light as a feather drop next to me. Although it was faint, I was able to grope it. A drop of pure ink fell out of nowhere, causing a minor cloud of smoke to create, moulding a prolonged wall. It was like diffusion. All of a sudden, two other drops dashed behind me and to my left. They would sink quickly, but land slowly as ever on the floor. Looking down, I was shocked to see that the floor is no longer transparent, it became white now too._

_A breeze of wind and leaves played with my hair. I was dazzled as I observed the wind transforming into a palm sized orb. I approached it, curiosity and ecstasy boiling inside of me. The moment my fingers kissed it, it started flying gracefully and in a zigzag direction. I followed it, hypnotised by the humming sound it made; it was like heaven to my ears. It seemed like I walked on forever, but I couldn't feel anything as my eyes were fixed on the orb and my ears were melting from the beautiful humming, which now became whispering in a calm, mild way. Various sounds of women spoke into my head. The language wasn't understood, but I was captivated by it. A smile formed on my lips as I harkened closely to the lovely compliments. Warmth poured its keen sting into my heart._

_Out of the blue, the handful of a ball halted, floating in mid-air; we reached a cul-de-sac. On the slim wall hung a bizarre clock, moving anti clockwise as the numbers slowly started to melt at my touch, ink dripping from the bottom tip. I heard my heart casually beating into my ears, making me content. The sphere started shining a pure white light. Fascinated, I walked to my right, causing the sound of my heartbeats to fade slowly and slowly until it finally vanished. I heard another voice, but this time it didn't belong to a woman. It sounded in some way... familiar. It whispered my name right into the deepest part of my ear, as if it was inside my head. It spoke my name, nothing but my name. Then, the globe moved towards me, and with a breath of the voice inside my head, the ball of wind and light entered my chest, warming it up._

_My eyes wandered around the spot I was standing on. With one last look at the cul-de-sac, I walked into the unknown. White edge-less tiles were created in the perimeter with every step I took until it formed a chamber. The entrance I came from was nowhere to be found. I was stuck here in this undefined white room. In the exact centre, was a figure laying on its back in mid-air. I eyed it carefully, it was a toddler. Drops of brown ink dropped from the unreachable ceiling exactly around the baby. I impatiently waited to see what was it forming. Was that... a cradle?_

_I heard a faint sound of footsteps, growing louder by the second. A door was cracked open in one of the walls, and two faint figures walked out of it. With every step they took, drops of coloured ink collapsed on them. Their image got clearer as the final drops of ink fell upon them. The two faces walked to the cradle, oblivious of my existence. One of them held the toddler, kissing her on the neck as the name Mary escaped his lips. Obviously, she was their baby girl._

_After a moment of hesitation, I decided to walk towards them, since they can't see me, it wouldn't hurt, would it? I frowned as I stared at one of the faces. Black slick strands of hair on his broad forehead. Black batty eyelashes protected his gorgeous oceanic blue eyes. Thick eyebrows were designed perfectly to match his face. His long barely crooked nose was placed between his pale-white chubby cheeks. Freckles were splashed on his bottom lip. He looked at the other man in awe, then slowly, oh god so slowly, kissed him on the lips with his left hand wrapping around his lover's head. A light shot into my eye from the reflection of the silver ring on his finger. His voice rung into my ears as he spoke the words 'I love you'. It was the same voice that came out from the orb._

_All at once, my ears were muffled and my breaths grew unsteady. My vision grew blurry as I fought for air, trying not to suffocate. A violent breeze of wind pushed my away from the couple. I tried to scream for help, but no voice came out. I tried harder, hoping that one of them might hear me, but nothing was heard. Stretching my arms in front of me, I helplessly fought the current. I was being sucked up from a door as it shut with a thud in my face._

My eyes opened in a flash as I felt soft fingers poking my arm. Turning on the lamp light, I saw a young girl with the most cute puppy eyes you could ever see. Her hair was flaming red with freckles on her small nose.

"Daddy, I can't sleep" she squeaked. 

Carrying her off the ground, I tucked her under the sheets and sang her to sleep. I gazed at the ceiling, forcing myself to sleep. I slightly shivered as she cuddled my arm. 

I winced my eyes as my alarm clock rung loudly. Groaning, I barely carried my body out of the bed.  I heard footsteps following me as soon as I reached the kitchen. Muscly arms wrapped me tightly from behind as wet lips kissed the back of my neck.

"Good morning, baby." a quiet hoarse voice spoke. 

"Good morning, Luukas." I replied.

Short light brown hair decorated his white face. Wide enthusiast hazel eyes shone as they made contact with sunlight. Broad shoulders held his neck proudly. A golden ring hung from his eyebrow. Other footsteps followed Luukas, but these ones were _lighter_. I couldn't help but smile at the lovely small redhead. 

"Good morning, daddies." Milla beamed at us. 

I kissed Luukas on the lips as he carried our daughter, hugging her.

"Do you really have to go to Los Angeles tomorrow?" whined Milla. 

I approached her, kissing her forehead.

"Don't worry, I'll be back before you know it."

I took one last look at my husband and daughter before I went fetching for the mail. I held the pack of white envelopes in my palms from the doorstep, closing the door shut behind me. As I was rummaging through the mail, my eyes fell upon a rather peculiar object; a CD. Weird. I don't recall ordering an album or a movie. What made it even more of a mystery, was the fact that it held my name on it. I stared confusingly at the sending date. It was sent four years ago. Hmm, how come it reached me after _four years?_ Sure I was moving a lot, but I still felt there was something wrong, _very_ wrong. 

I neglected the buzzing sound of Luukas and Milla as I passed by the kitchen. I entered my room, reminding myself to close the door behind me. After a moment of hesitation, I finally gathered my guts to insert the CD into the DVD player.

I saw a bed with metal posts in the middle of a room, with one huge light focused on it. It was only a few seconds, about five, before a couple of men dragged another man on the bed. It took me a moment to realise he was naked. With a black bag on his head, as far as I can see, he laid on the bed, panting. Numerous figures popped out of the blue, surrounding the small bed. Their hands shot towards the man's body. I watched in horror as I saw him fighting back. I tried to stop myself from pausing it, I _needed_ to know who he was. What if he was one of my old clients?  

The perimeter cleared as the figures stepped away from the bed, leaving the poor man. Another man appeared, lying on top of the victim. My eyes watered as the man's screams invaded my ears. My hand flew to my mouth, holding back a sob that was this close to escape my lips. Tears ran down my cheeks as I gazed back at the screen, comprehending that now the second man, the rapist, was gone. I moved closer to the television, tension rising in my soul. I watched closely as fingers curled around the coverage, slowly as ever. I impatiently waited for the fingers to remove it, revealing the identity of this man. Suddenly, the screen went black. I helplessly whined as I banged my fist on the DVD player, pressing all the buttons my fingers came in contact with. I harkened a click and the door opened. 

"Sauli, are you okay?" ran a worried Luukas towards me, wiping my tears with his soft long fingers.

"I'm fine, really." I lied.

"You're crying." 

"There's nothing wrong, just some emotional clip, nothing more." I emphasised the _emotional_ part.

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly, rubbing my back.

I nodded, insisting that it's probably the best if I remained silent. I cuddled him in silence as he rested his chin on the top of my head, kissing it every once in a while. I was relieved he hasn't asked me about anything, I wasn't in a proper mood to answer questions, I just laid my head on his shoulder as the tears on my cheeks slowly dried up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't wish to tell you this was Sauli's POV 'cause then I would've ruined all the suspense. :D


	18. Flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how sorry I am for leaving you with an update for such a looong time, but this week has been THE busiest week of probably my whole entire life! Anyways, enjoy oh and Ramadan Kareem for all the Muslim glamberts out there :D (that means happy Ramadan for those who don't know Arabic ;))

I woke up early the next day. I couldn't sleep all night, I was too busy getting that video out of my mind, analysing every angle of it. I couldn't understand why it was sent to me.  Stop thinking about it Sauli and focus on your business trip today. Right, I've got work. I can't just let something as minor as this affect me. I'm sure I wasn't meant to receive it, there are tons of Saulis out there...

But _how many_ Sauli Koskinens are there in Finland?

It doesn't even make sense.  _A rape video?_  Why? 

As far as I know, I haven't raped anyone and I don't know anyone who would do such a brutal thing. Besides, _none_ of my family have gone missing or kidnapped. It _must_ be a mistake, that's the only explanation. 

I looked over to Luukas, smiling to myself as I watched his chest rise and fall over and over again. I softly kissed him on the cheek, careful not wake him up at such an early time of the day. I gave Milla one last kiss before I was gone. Smiling, I closed the door behind me without causing it to squeak and headed towards the airport.

I waited impatiently as the airplane kicked off the floor. I closed my eyes as I listened to music, trying to clarify everything out of my mind. Even though it was a business trip, it would be as refreshing as a normal vacation, since Los Angeles was on the seaside and the weather there at this time of the year definitely would be mesmerising. 

After long hours, the plane's wheels finally rested peacefully on the concrete floor. I was enthusiastic to get out of this enormous metal bird. Good bye Finland, hello America! 

I shut my eyes as I stood outside the Los Angeles airport, smelling the refreshing breeze. I opened them after some taxi driver offered to take me to my hotel.

I didn't pay an effort to start a conversation with the taxi driver, I was busy admiring the city I've lived in for quite a long time. It's been four years since I've last came here. Four long years. This place held so much memories, some were good and others were bad, but most importantly, this is the city that scared the shit out of me. This is the city that wounded me. This is the city that made me flee my ass back to Finland...

The taxi slowed down as soon as we reached the hotel. I entered my room after moving all of my luggage. I stood in front of the window. _Something was wrong._ Don't worry Sauli, it's probably just your conscience missing your family. My heart was aching and burning, and I'm sure that only happens when you're missing someone. But, it's been only a day since I've travelled, can I possibly start missing my husband and daughter after only a few hours? It must be that video, it affected me more than I thought it would, not to mention the fact that it stole my night away from me. Neglecting the thought of over-thinking about the whole video tape, I went searching for the address of the company I was supposed to be in after an hour.

After shaking loads of hands, talking to important people, and signing heaps of paperwork, I was finally free to go. My work has finished for the day, and I was looking forward for a long relaxing walk on the beach. I wasn't heading to a certain destination, so I decided I would just walk and hopefully be able to locate my way back to the hotel after I'm done. 

Chills ran down my spine as I walked down a sidewalk, gazing at the shore. I felt a lump in my throat with every step I took. What's wrong with me?  I looked around, trying to figure something out. I halted the moment I turned around. I saw my old house, _Adam's_ house. I kept staring at it for around five minutes before I started crossing the road. Nothing changed about it, it stayed the same way I left it. 

A voice interrupted my long-chained thoughts: "May I help you, sir?"

He was a short white man with a black hat on his head. I've never seem him before. 

"Err, I just came to visit my friend." I lied.

He nodded at me. "Would you like me to help you find his house?" he offered. 

I knew what flat our house was. I knew what's the number of our apartment. I knew _everything_ , but I just nodded, indicating him to show me the way. 

My eyes were fixed on the lobby as soon as I walked through the main doors. It was like déjà-vu. Bright red carpets were splashed on the floor. A huge crystal chandelier hung from the breathtaking ceiling. I peeped at the reception desk before the elevator closed, taking us to the seventh floor. There was one change after all, all the employees were replaced by younger healthier ones, but who even cares? It's not like I've fought with any of them. I used to avoid them, unlike Adam, who usually argued with one black giant as far as I could remember. My heart burned every time I even thought about his name.   

The identical metal doors cracked open with a high pitched ring. My feet were too paralysed to move. The last time I was in this exact spot, Adam was begging me to stay and believe him. I was able to visualise the scene vividly as tears piled up in my eyes. 

"Sir? We're here." the doorman said. 

"Thanks, I can go on myself now."

I didn't want him to follow me. I didn't want him to face with me my darkest fears. It would be best if I would just shut the door in his face and show him there's absolutely no way out. 

I slowly trod to the corridor, with the sound of my heartbeats ringing through my ears. My heart sunk to my knees the second I caught sight of the door, _our_ door. Two pieces of yellow police tape were criss-crossed on the wooden edges. I wavered to enter, battling with my conscience. 

Walking on the wooden floor, I realised what a mess this place had turned into. The paintings were scratched and barely hanging on the light-coloured walls. A green bottle was smashed into the television, creating a huge circular shaped crack in the centre. The coffee table we bought together laid upside down on the carpet. Bits and pieces of everything slept on the ground: plastic flowers, keys, candles, and some of my cigarettes.  

I tiptoed away from the living room, cautious not to crack any more shards of broken glass with my boots. I sniffed harder as I grew closer and closer to the kitchen. I'm sure I've smelled this before, could it be _wine?_   My assumptions were at their place. Bottles of wines were pulverised on the tier. Most of the cupboards were empty, spilling their contents on every inch of the ceramic tiles. 

Breathing hardly, I advanced towards the rest of the apartement. Nausea boiled inside of me as soon as my eyes dropped on the bathroom. Dry blood oozed from the mirrors. Tons of shards were covered in blood. I stared at my broken reflection as I stood there, benumbed from this bloody sight. I contemplated the dehydrated blood on the edge of the sink, sadness pouring into my heart.  

It took me quite a while to move on to the last chamber, _our_ bedroom. The door creaked as my finger tips timidly stroked it. I jumped back when I realised I stepped on a night lamp. Dodging it, my eyes wandered around the chamber, examining every tiny detail. I caught sight of my olive shirt crumpled on the floor. I picked it up, dusting it off. I saw bloody fingertips all over the cotton fabric. I ran my hands through Adam's clothes that were hung inside the mirror-doored closet. 

I quietly closed it, lingering my fingers for a while on the knobs. I turned on my heels to face the bed. I approached it, picking Adam's pillow. Tears rolled down my cheek and on the feathery object. A sob fled my mouth as I clutched the pillow closer to my chest. I was _heartbroken_. The pain was changing me, it made me want to kill, a desire to _reap_. I snuffled it, breathing what's left of Adam's odour. There was barely any scent left, but at least I was holding something that belonged to him, _my_ very own Adam. I dug my head into the fluffy pillow, and without a warning, I yelled. My screams were muffled by the pillow, I didn't want the neighbours to hear my agonies. My yells soon turned into sobs. I gazed at my palms after squeezing my eyes.

I gathered everything I've seen today, all the wrecked furniture, all the blood, and all the agony. Is this how I payed Adam back? 

Is this how I thanked a man who held me and protected me from danger? 

I felt disgusted with myself, for I have changed Adam into nothing but a _monster_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you feel sad and sorry for Sauli? 'Cause I do...  
> Comments are most appreciated, although I don't usually reply to them, but I cherish each and every single one of them and frankly, they're the reason why I'm still writing this fic!


	19. The Ugly Truth

I winced as my phone rang. Groaning, I took it out and turned off the alarm. I cuddled on the soft mattress of Adam's bed, it's been such a long time since I've last slept here. I hugged his pillow tightly as it all hit me again. I gazed at the ceiling with moroseness pumping inside my head. Right now there are many questions in my head, questions I can't seem to find an answer to them, questions only Adam can answer. After long thinking, I made up my mind,  _I must take action._

I sat upright, throwing everything out of my sight, and headed towards the door. I just ran, without even looking back. My eyes were fixed ahead of me as I slightly panted. I bumped into numerous people in the lobby, but that didn't make me stop. _Nothing can stop me now._

My feet kept operating as I ran faster and faster that I actually got lost. I looked around me, figuring out where I was. Ugh, I'm such a mess. I held tightly on the bridge of my nose as I cried. My knees were wobbling but I can't just stop now, I _needed_ to know Adam's story, I just needed to. I crossed streets and walked blocks, yet I was still lost. I'm here goofing around in the streets of LA while Adam's out there in this world, I don't even know where he is or what's going on with him.

I was this close to loosing it before my eyes fell upon a car rental shop. I ran towards it like a crazy peacock, and I may have accidentally yelled at receptionist to rent me any damn car she has. After signing papers and giving them my phone number and other crap like my hotel address, finally, _finally_ I went to collect my car from the parking lot. Oh, they've got to be kidding me. It's a Smart car, a _damn_ Smart car. I laughed hysterically at my fate. Let's be honest, half of my ass won't fit inside it, but I'm doing this for Adam, so no more whining Sauli. Angrily, I pulled a route map out of a stand and squeezed myself into the miniature of a car. As I trod on the paddle, I fought to open the map. All I saw were coloured crossed lines. I hated maps. Never in my whole entire life have I used a map or even thought about using it. This shit is confusing. Okay Sauli, you can do this, blue means water, pink means highway. Got it... I think. 

After several moments, I was finally able to locate my destination on the map, now the question is: how to get there? I ran my index finger over several routes. Each time I followed a route, I would reach a dead end or the sea. Damn it! It took me around an hour to discover that I was holding the map upside down the whole entire time. Crumpling the huge piece of siliconed parchment, I decided to follow signs instead, I mean how hard can chasing written directions be?

The answer was _very_ hard. I would exit a maze to find myself that I only entered another one. I passed the same highway twice or maybe more than just twice, and I'm pretty sure I've seen this tree before, not all trees look the same you know. Okay, I've probably seen everything twice, this gas station looks so familiar... And that is where it all hit me, I'm back from where I started. I pulled over and started punching the driving wheel, punching it as hard as I can. That's it I surrender. I laid my head on the wheel as a tear ran down my cheek. I'll never get there. The last time I went there was four years ago and Adam was driving cause he know how much routes confuse me...

Wait, Adam. He was buying a hyacinth from a flower shop next to a gas station. That's it! I almost cried from happiness as I finally cracked the case. Picking my map from the floor again, I started marking all the gas stations in this area. Keep in mind that Adam only used to fill gas from the stations on the main street. Got it, there are four main streets. Finally I was getting somewhere! I cranked the music up as I drove towards the first main street. I would pull over in front of every gas station, stay around five minutes gazing at it, then move on to the next. I stayed this way for quite a long time until I finally saw a station with the words _"We sell hyacinths"_ on the display glass. 

I threw the car's door open from excitement, but then it closed shut right into my face before I could even hop out. Rubbing my nose, I ran into the mini market, and literally grabbed the man behind the cashier from his collar and kissed him on his cheek. He probably thought I was a pervert, you don't get a kiss from a stranger everyday. I left him wiping his face hoarsely with his palm as I climbed on a customer. Trying to push me off, I clutched harder on his neck as I yelled in his ear: "I love you!"

Strutting through the aisles, I high-fived a kid with my mouth open and my eyes wide alert from ecstasy. Then, I finally caught sight of those beautiful lavender water flowers. 

"You little shit." I snorted at the buds as they held their neck proudly from the glass container that protected their roots.

My hand moved above them as I glimpsed the most colourful of them all and simply smashed it to the floor. Repeating the process to them all, I eagerly waited as the salesman came chasing me for wrecking his shop. I fled to my car as he ran behind me with a shovel in his hand, threatening to bang my head if I don't halt this instance. I shoved my keys into the car's keyhole and quickly pressed hard on the paddle. I yelped as the door closed violently from the friction with the rushing air. I hadn't realised I was driving so fast, I was too busy trying to keep my hands on the wheel. I made a harsh U-turn to the left as I violently bumped into a car, and there it was, the house that I've been looking for. I lifted my foot of the paddle, but it was stuck. I tried stomping on the breaks, but they won't work. Okay, Sauli don't loose it, _don't loose it._ Who am I kidding?  I'm gonna die. I jolted forwards as the car smashed into a concrete wall. A huge white air bag repulsed me and threw me back to my seat. I felt dizzy as a severe headache struck me.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" said a high pitched voice. 

I beamed in happiness after my vision finally became clearer. 

"Leila!" I yelled at her face, ignoring the door that just rebounded and smacked my face. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you." I said as I excitedly hugged her.

"I'm happy too, what are you doing here?" she replied, neglecting my enthusiasm.

"I wanted to have a little chat with you."

"Okay then let's go inside, you must be shaken after that crash."

I furrowed my brow as I saw the sad expression that was plastered on her face. What did I miss? Even though it was quite a short walk to her villa, she seemed very out-of-shape; she was incredibly quite, and I've never seen her that way before. 

I looked around me with awe as soon as we entered her house. Nothing changed about it. I felt the same feeling I felt four years ago, I felt like I was home. I smiled like a goof as I wandered around, smiling to myself as I remembered every single detail about this house. 

"So, where is he?" I half-yelled. 

"Where is who?" she asked, puzzled.  

I frowned. "Adam of course, my Adam." I watched closely as her head dropped down, avoiding any eye contact with me.

"Is he upstairs?" I asked, still excited. 

Without waiting for an answer from Leila, I dashed towards the stairs, searching in every single room. My heart ached at the sight of empty neat rooms.

Confused, I asked: "Is he taking a shower or something?"

"He's not here, he's... gone." Leila choked on the last word.

"What do you mean gone?" I chuckled. 

Without an alarm, she walked towards me and started crying into my chest. What was wrong with her? How... How is he gone? I'm seriously confused right now... 

"Would you please tell me what's going on?" 

She wiped her tears, then took my hand as she walked me downstairs. I sat on the couch, waiting for an explanation. 

"They took him away." she sobbed. "My Adam, my very own Adam." Silence took over the room. The only thing that could be heard was Leila choking on her tears.

"Who took him?" I whispered.

"Some men from a mental institution. I tried looking for him, but every place I would go to, they'd say there's no one here with such name... I lost my son forever." Leila spoke, with shock filling up her eyes. 

I felt paralysed. I couldn't move or talk. I was finding difficulties breathing. I squeezed my eyes shut as the information that I just heard was sinking inside of me. I can't believe this. This must be some filthy joke. Adam isn't crazy, I'm sure of this. Have I turned him mad?


	20. Catch A Glimpse At My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a crucial part of the fic, and I'm asking you here to NOT get confused no matter what. You all will understand it in the end, I promise. ;)

_"... Your life is nothing but a bunch of choices, and at this state, your choices are everything to you, because they might be just enough to save your life. Allow me to explain myself, imagine this with me: your life is a huge dark orb, all the happy joyful things that had had happened to you is represented by the light. Your darkness had never been so dark because of your successful attempts to enjoy it. Out of the blue, something happened to you, something that turned off all the light so that nothing but darkness is left. As you start to think about the dark and considering it seriously, your mind would start playing with your thoughts and fooling you into believing that anything could lie in it. You see, the reality of your fear of the dark isn't what defines the dark, but what lies within the dark. The mind on the other hand, doesn't help at all. Instead of acting normal towards it and consuming it as a normal course of nature, the human mind feeds your fear until it reaches a point where it is transformed into a certain type of phobia, and therefore, you slowly but surely become mentally ill.This is who you are; a weak human being trapped in a world full of fear and lies. Every hour, every day, perhaps this precise minute, they are trying to change you, transforming you into a monster, an outcast of your regular personality, but in the end their greatest weapon is you. They are a figment of your imagination; they don't exist. It's simple, it's all up to you; either you let them take control of you, or you discard their memory out of your head once and for all. You are the weapon, the strongest of them all. Use yourself wisely. No matter what your colour is or how this letter fell upon your hands, I just want to tell you that it will get better. You have no idea how brave you are, even though you think that you're helpless, you're not, you know why? Because you are unique. I wish I could tear the barrier between us and just hug you and tell you how much I truly love and respect you, because you have just proven to me how fearless you are by just accepting who you truly are."_

Tears streamed down my face as I held the piece of paper. Lips trembling, I grasped it and kissed it after pulling it closer to my chest. 

My eyes glittered as the lazy dawn sunshine rose upon my room. I haven't slept all day. I was too captivated by this amazing piece of artwork, it explained my situation perfectly. I should try to rest my eyes for a moment, you never know when the door might open and it would be time to start work. I looked outside the barred window. I was guessing it's around six in the morning. Huffing, I laid my cheek on the pillow and revised all the things I have for today. I yelped in excitement as I remembered I only have to do the laundry today. Finally, a lazy day. I've been waiting ages for this day to come, not to mention it's visiting day today. I walked away from the bed as I heard a knock on the door.  

My name is Jenny Richardson and this is my life. 

I've been brought to this institution a few months ago. I was a bit scared at first to be honest, with all that hair shaving policy and many other bizarre, but now I got used to it. I wasn't really comfortable in here back then, I used to disobey the nurses and sometimes, the security would be called just to calm me down. Since the first day I ever laid my foot in here, I never felt like a stranger. Sure I knew I wasn't mad or anything (and of course, they would always try to prove me wrong), but I got a lot of affection and love from my family. At the beginning, I used to think they were sympathising me, but then I realised that they really do care about me. The only family member that had visited me ever since, was my sister, Susan, the one who's coming to visit me today. We talk for about an hour or so about everything: my life, her work, and our plans how if I will ever get out of here, we'll go back to our hometown, Scotland. My parents on the other hand, are too old and weak to come see me, but I don't blame them. Mum's got severe arthritis, barely even walks around the house from agony, and dad's got diabetes, both very ill to do anything. 

I don't have any friends here, and I don't plan on making any. This isn't where I belong, this is just a glimpse, a glimpse of a life  where I would pay for my mistakes. Every time I think about committing a sin, I think about this place and I immediately get a grip on myself. This is just payback time, I'll be out of here in no time if I just do what I've been told and behave myself. Sometimes, I would start thinking about death and how my life would've been better if I just commit and all of this would be over, but somehow I'm convinced that if I didn't pay here, I'll pay later, in hell. Call me nuts, but this feels like karma, and I'm more than glad to let karma take over me, because I promised myself if I ever get out of here, I'll do good to all. 

I marched my way towards the laundry room. Huffs and puffs of white smoke were thrown at my face. The smell of soap invaded my nostrils as I walked down one of the long aisles. After finally reaching my station, I sorted out all the dirty clothes into different washing machines based on colour, fabric, etcetera. I smoked my cigarette as I patiently waited for them to finish being cleaned. Taking the laundry out of the dryer machine, I ironed every single item. 

At around ten past two, I left the laundry room and headed towards my room. Making sure that I closed the door properly, I laid down on my belly in front of a mouse hole in the corner of a wall. The sharp bits of stone scratched my hand as I inserted it into the hole, searching for a particular item. My fingers finally sensed a sealed envelope, and slowly I took it out, reading the address. I took out the piece of paper I was reading earlier today and rolled it into the shape of a cylinder, then cautiously laid it on the inner edge of the hole. I leaned my back on the cold wall as I sighed. Thank god I didn't have mush work to do or else I would've been extremely exhausted, especially since I haven't slept the night.  A voice spoke out of the speakers in the main corridors: _"Visiting time. Head towards the visiting rooms and no riots."_

With one last look at the mouse hole, I stood up and carried myself to see my beloved sister. 

As I entered the visiting room, I searched for a cubicle to sit in. They were all taken. You've got to be kidding me, they've just made the announcement! After ten minutes of waiting and groaning (yes, I've checked the clock), I managed to sit on a chair and waited for Susan's arrival. I eyed the door as it opened, revealing a tall brunette woman in her mid-thirties. She was wearing a long grey skirt and a simple white long sleeved shirt. Her long straight hair was covering her face, and her purse was barely hanging on her arm. I snickered as she accidentally tripped with a chair and bumped into one of the visitors. After apologising various times, she finally sat on the chair across me with a smile encrypted on her face. Staring at the glass that was embedded between us, I picked up the phone's handset happily. 

"What a windy day! Look at m'hair, it's all messy. It's a mad world out there, I'm tellin' ya," she spoke angrily to the other handset, the one on her side of the cubicle. "And how are you, miss congeniality? Enjoying all the attention you're getting, aye?" she continued.

"There's no attention about being in a cuckoo house." I replied. 

"Aye, true."

"I'm fine, anyway, bit tired, other than that I'm surviving. How's mum?"

"Better than before. Last night, she wanted to clean house, I think she's growing mad. Two weeks ago, she started babbling nonsense, absolute nonsense. I was thinkin' 'bout leaving her off in a infirmary."

I giggled. "And dad?"

"He's the reasonable one here. He gets whatever your mum asks for, busy man, eh-"

"I want you to do me a favour." I cut her off.

"What sort of favour?" I pulled out the envelope from my robe's pocket and lifted it so it was visible to her.

"I need you to send this to a postbox, the number and the address is on the back." I slipped the parchment underneath the glass barrier between the two of us and watched it as is settled at Susan's side.

She glared at the envelope, then at me."What is this about?"

"It's a matter of life or death," I watched her as she eyed the dirty piece of parchment, as if she was considering whether she should help me or not. "You know you owe me one." I spoke.

Susan's hand twitched as it arose from her lap, and with some hesitation, she picked it up and shoved it inside her bag. "I hope this isn't one of your sick jokes." She croaked, avoiding any eye contact with me. "Trust me on this one." I put my hand on the glass, and smiled widely as she put her hand on the opposite side too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't you realised that I posted chapter 20 on the 20th of July? Coincidence, huh? Yeah, no one cares. xD


	21. When Two Worlds Collide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Sauli's POV. :D

I spent the night in Leila's house. After contacting the car rental agency, a large towing truck came within a few hours time and took the car away. Refusing to let me lay my hand on any of their other cars, they demanded a fund. I fussed about it. I have never had an insurance policy since I never really was an American citizen, and Adam's house and car were both insured by _Adam's_ insurance policy.

With no other way out, I decided to pay cash, considering that both my hotel fees and my ticket home have been previously provided for me. I raged in fury as they took around a thousand dollars from me, it might not seem that much considering I wrecked a car, but no matter what paint they'd used or fancy leather they'd covered the seats with could hide nor deny the fact that it is a miniature of a Smart car.

With absolutely no clue if I've still got some dollars in my credit card, I set off to rest my head for a while; letting it all sink in. I was still in shock. It was very obvious from my face expression, that a blind man would be able to grope that there is indeed something wrong with me. I passed as Leila suggested to me that I sleep in Adam's old room. _Not such a wise thing to do_ , I told myself. Given a spare pair of pyjamas, bottles of water, and some snacks, I nestled quietly in the guest room, staring out of the window. I looked in grief every time I actually concentrated on what's lingering outside the window, I was too busy throwing all of my wild daydreams and fantasies out of my head. Almost everything seemed to distract me from my senses, and frankly, I was getting sick of it. Instead of suffering yet another battle with my conscience, I simply slipped into bed and forced my eyes shut, repelling any thoughts that might distract me out of my mind.

The night came and went as I woke up by the sun's piercing rays. Slamming my fists onto my sides, I forced myself out of the bed, reminding myself with the threat that my ghostly Adam memories might haunt me at any possible chance. 

I walked down the stairs gently as ever, cautious not to cause the wooden planks to creak. By the time my right foot contacted the shiny wooden bottom of the stairs, a thin dark-haired woman emerged around the corner. Stifled, I followed her to the kitchen, where I assumed, would be my breakfast. The idea of having Leila cooking for me was disturbing, since I'm only here because I lack a vehicle to take me back to where I came from, but as I ate her freshly-made pancakes, which were decorated with various types of berries and with some maple syrup drizzled at the very top of the doughy stack, I felt as if I was standing in Adam's shoes, reliving every happy memory he has lived in this house during his teen years. Once again, I felt like a small boy, a boy with no fears but the potential of a monster under his bed. It felt _good_. Imagine a life with no troubles nor fears nor risks, a life shared with your loved ones, a life so pure, even the untouched chaste white snow would look dirty compared to it. For one glorious moment, I felt how it is to truly be free, how it feels to fly, to soar above all the others, to spread your wings high above the clouds. For one tremendous moment, I sensed it travelling swiftly through my veins, making me feel fully content. I seized the moment, smelled the moment, and tasted the moment. It was an unnatural thing to feel- to me of course, to the man who no matter what he did, trouble always managed to find their way towards him. Anything that I've been through, never made me feel this way, never made me react in such a peculiar but a warm way.  

It was shortly before I realised how blissful my life was before I bumped into Adam and became such a huge threat to his life. He always spoke how I was his saviour, how I helped him face dark hours and stand up against his compressed fears, but who damaged the other the most: was it the man who sacrificed himself for the man he loved, or was it the coward who fled away when nights grew cold and things got out of control? _A total coward_ , were three words that described my personality so well, that even a fool wouldn't fail to admit it. Scraping up what's left of my plate from crumbs, I slid down my chair, with an astonishing feeling of satisfaction pouring inside my heart.

It was soon when I thanked Leila for her amazing meal, that somehow made me reevaluate my life better than I ever have. How ironic that one single plate of pancakes made me realise the deep trouble I've put both myself and Adam in. When I finally, after huge effort, made my mind to stop going through this matter _again_ , I called an office located downtown, which number I've read off the yellow pages, and calmly asked them to bring in a cab. I climbed the stairs to the second storey, with nothing but emptiness in my soul as I changed into my outdoor clothes.

My long-chained thoughts were disconnected by a beep of the taxi's horn. Hugging Leila and bidding her farewell, I asked her if I could take the yellow pages with me. I had a huge feeling it could come in handy in the near future.  During my entire cab journey, I remained silent deep in thoughts whether I should return back to Adam's house or to the hotel, incase there was a message for me. My eyes widened as the word _message_ ran through my mind. Of course! Adam's got a post pox, in other words a mail box. I vividly remember when he used to enter an office with nothing but small red vaults with one keyhole right in the centre. The problem was, what was the name of the office? I flipped through the yellow pages, searching for a familiar name. If my memory hadn't cheated on me, it started with the letter W. I scanned my eyes on the W aisle. 

_Walter_

_Warang_

_Weatherby_

_Williams_

I examined each of the office's address, hoping that one of them might ring a bell. 

_8332 Melrose Avenue, Los Angeles, California._

Hang on, I'm sure I've seen this address before, could it be it? Without thinking it over as I thought I would, I shoved the paper into the driver's face and nearly poked his eye out as I pointed to the address. A bizarre feeling rose inside of me, alarming me as it grew wilder and wilder. Shaking my head as thoughts ran through it, only one sentence glittered in my mind like a gold bright star. 

 _It's an office with nothing but small vaults with one keyhole right in the centre._  

I buried my face in my hands as I realised how thick I was. I didn't have the key and the only way to get it was going inside Adam's house, _again_. This, of course, meant gathering a huge deal of effort to dare step into Adam's flat after all of the _information_ I've recently discovered about his past four years. I was now in front of a forked direction: either get a grip on myself and try to, somehow, save the man whom sacrificed himself for me, or skulk back to my den, like a coward. No way. There is no way I'm going to drop this, not after all what Adam's been through. I told the driver Adam's address instead before he made any sudden change in routes. 

The yellow taxi came to a halt in front of a fancy-looking building, recognising it as Adam's home. The roof of the cab twinkled under the sun's radiant rays, that grew brighter as the time no doubt had passed noon. I dashed towards the elevator, avoiding any eye contact whatsoever, instead, I found myself observing a sign, which was planted in front of the identical metal doors, reading with red broad letters: _UNDER CONSTRUCTION._ Growling, I ran towards the stairs, jumping three stairs at a time as I eventually arrived to the seventh storey. I yelped in pain as an invisible knife had been stabbed right through my waist. My breath got shorter and faster as my diaphragm relaxed and contracted so fast that I thought it might tear. With a hand on my left waist and the other on the wall to help support the weight of my fatigue body, I made it to the dark wooden door that guarded Adam's apartment. Slithering cautiously into the flat, I looked around, expecting to see something unusual, but everything seemed very quiet and steady. Shards of glass cracked under the sole of my boots as I marched towards the bedroom. I started opening Adam's drawers, one by one, searching for a bundle of keys, until I finally found it in one of the dresser's drawers. I took me quite some time as I removed all the jewellery that was tangled to the key-holder. I ran outside of the door rapidly, neglecting the thought of even trying to figure out which key belongs to the small box-shaped safe.

I threw myself into the cab, panting as I held the bundle of keys in my palm. I gestured to the driver to carry on to our next destination: the post box office. As soon as we arrived there, I gave him what's left of the change in my wallet. Straightening and dusting off my jacket, I walked towards the office with the thick yellow pages in one hand and keys shakily rattling in the other. 

The cold breeze that came right out of the air conditioner welcomed my sweaty face, causing all the beads of sweat to vanish almost instantly. I observed the key holes and then my keys. So I need a short many-toothed golden key to match its keyhole, got it. My eyes laid on top of the only short key among all the golden ones. I put it in my palm as I examined the number _90069_ on it. I turned on my heel, facing box number _90069_ , as I put the yellow pages between my knees. I inserted the key with trembling fingers, and opened the postbox. I made silent thanks in my head that it wasn't empty. I excitedly read the envelopes of each letter. My heart sank to my knees as I reached the end of bunch of letters without finding one from Adam. Maybe the envelope doesn't match the letter, maybe he has to send it this way because it was against the rules to send a letter, I told myself. Tearing the parchment cover of each and every epistle, I prayed to find anything literarly anything from Adam. I groaned in anger. They were all advertisements. Who _cares_ about a vacation to Aruba? 

A door bell rang with a faint chime as I felt a thrust of white-hot air swooping across the office, making me huff from the awful humid weather. The clapping of heels on the wooden floor made me loose my concentration as it grew closer and louder by the minute. I fixed my eyes as a woman in her thirties with messy hair walked down towards the main desk. 

"Excuse me, I would like to send this letter." the woman spoke with a high pitched voice.

"Sure, what's the number of the post box?" the clerk asked. 

"Number 90069."

"That's him." 

Suddenly, I felt as if a bunch of eyes have fell upon me. I looked around in confusion, wondering why the employee was raising his index finger towards me. I turned around, scanning the perimeter with the hope of him pointing to someone else increasing every part of a second. It was empty expect for the three of us. I gulped. 

The brunette with a white long-sleeved shirt and grey skirt walked towards me, with a doubtful expression plastered on her beautiful face.

"And by chance, you are Sauli Koskinen?" she spoke as she read the back of a filthy yellowish envelope with an odd accent. _She must be European_ , I whispered to myself.   

"Yes, I am." "My name is Susan Richardson. I'm a lawyer in that company over there..."  But I didn't focus on what she was saying. _she's a lawyer,_ which means she's promoting and advertising for her company. Fan-fucking-tastic, the last thing I need right now is a babbling saleswoman. 

"Sir? Have you heard me?"

"I'm not interested in your _company_." I spat at her. 

"What company? I'm here to deliver you a message you daft dimbo!" Rude and short-tempered, she must be the reason why her company's loosing all that money, I snorted. 

"Yeah, yeah, just give me it already." I half-yelled at her. I took the dirty envelope from her, showing all signs of disgust on my face. It looks like she dipped this piece of paper in crap before handing it to me. 

"And here's my card as well, in case you needed it." I rolled my eyes at her as I slammed the metal red door of Adam's post box and marched angrily outside of the office. _As if I'm gonna need a pathetic little lawyer._

Two thousand miles away from this place, a figure smirked in the darkness. _It's only a matter of time before the truth will finally be unveiled._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts on this chapter?


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